Wednesday, December 26, 2007


Aku tak tahu sama ada aku ni sabar, ataupun hati ni dah mati sebenarnya. Sudah terlalu banyak yang aku korbankan. Siang malam aku bekerja. Tapi lepas kerja dihantar, bayarannya lambaaat sangat diterima. Terlalu lama rasanya aku menunggu, hasilnya masih belum kelihatan. Betullah kata lirik lagu dulu - Penantian satu siksa yang tidak tertahan... Tidurku pun sudah terganggu dengan igauan-igauan aneh. Petanda yang pasti keadaan emosi yang tidak menentu.

Aku cuba bertanya kepada S tadi. "Payment aku dah clear ke? Bila boleh dapat?"

"Sorilah Oza. Aku baru dapat invois ni tadi. Kalau nasib baik, awal tahun depan boleh dapat."

"Takpe la. Minggu depan je tu."

"Tak tentu jugak. Bos bos cuti panjang."

Aku bungkam. Dah dua minggu aku hantar invois tu. Aku ingat, minggu ni boleh la dapat duitnya. Rupa-rupanya invois diperam oleh pembantu muda yang tidak mengerti apa-apa.

Payment job lain, jangan harap la. Entah bila aku nak dapat. Aku keletihan.

Nak kata takde job, ada. Nak kata tak lumayan, bayarannya boleh tahan. Cuma masalah cashflow yang selalu merunsingkan aku. Nak confirm job, at least seminggu. Nak buatnya, kadang-kadang makan sebulan. Lepas tu nak edit pulak lepas review. Dah submit, tunggu payment punya la lama.. Ding dong ding dong, tiga bulan jugak la untuk satu job dari awal sampai akhir. Kalau aku dah established, mungkin senang sikit kot. For now, each job is a challenge.

Nasib baik ada part-time job. Ada la jugak income. Kalau tak, tak tau la. Komputer aku dah kong ni, entah bila la nak diganti. Kucing kesayangan aku pun dah lari. Nak berhibur pergi makan2, pakcik dah balik kampung... Jadi aku diam aje la. Nak makan pun dah tak lalu. Nak mengemas takde mood. Teruk sangat aku masuk tido. Tido pun dah tak lena dah... Hmm... Sabar ajelah...

Monday, December 17, 2007

Poyoness Personified

I finally get it. I should never layan any unknown guys on Skype, because except for a decent few, the rest are just looking to waste company time and create trouble. They have no manners but expect me to layan them nicely no matter how rude THEY are. They don't care about anyone's profession, or views, or life. They just want to borak kosong.

Kenapa orang tanya "boleh berkenalan"? Nak berkenalan buat apa? (Kalau I tanya up front, I kena cop garang la pulak). But seriously, my question is, WHAT DO YOU WANT?? kalau nak borak, borak aje la. Buat apa nak berkenal-kenalan lak. Berborak tu berkenalan la. Tak ke redundant soalan tu?

Kenapa nak tanya orang dah kawin belum? Takut husband marah? Pasal apa lak nak marah kalau takde hanky panky? Ramai kawan I dah kawin. Takde lak bini dia nak marah2. Takde sebab orang nak marah kalau berkawan biasa.

One had the cheek to say "I saw your face on PausBiru."
"And..?" I ask.
"Nothing. No komen"
Huh? What? I'm ugly? I know that already. So?

If I accept someone's contact, it's to network. I like having friends. Especially ones that contribute positively to my well-being. I don't need more "friends" yang nak cari pasal...

No wonder others look down on us. At a time when people are earning their pay, Malays dok chatting on company computer, internet and time. Instead of volunteering in charity work, they go and chat up girls for no apparent reason. Saja nak gelakkan orang 'perasan'. Instead of taking an interest in a worthwhile hobby or cause, they waste time shopping or karaoke dengan "kawan". Anak bini tak ingat dah.

The majority of volunteers and committee members in MNS are non-Malays. They're busy people, they're married, but they make time for things that they believe are important. Where are the Malays? Siapa jaga street kids in Chow Kit? Christian Missionaries. Where are the Muslim groups? Is it any wonder that they convert. Salah siapa?

Yes, I have an identity crisis. I grew up Jawa and then mixed all around. I'm still Melayu, and I'm still Muslim. I pray and and no, I don't sleep with my Mat Saleh friends. I would really like to be with a decent Malay guy. I just don't think I'll meet them on Skype.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Tension, tension...

Have been attending a mega interesting workshop this past week. It's not often that I stay engaged and not lose interest in the proceedings at such dos. But my coursemates have been extremely entertaining, and the subject matter is something very close to heart. I must say I learnt lots and the trainers are real pros. Tabik spring!The only drawback is, I have 12 hours less to work in every day.

Day starts by leaving house at 7.30 in order to avoid nightmarish city crawl. I'll get to class by 8.30, and after a full day, crawl into Raja Chulan to pick up sister before crawling home. By the time we get back, will be pretty tired, but will work anyway, trying to finish this job by the week's end. Have been pulling in so many late nights over the past few weeks that I can't wait for the day that I can actually crawl into bed and read instead of conking out.

At the moment trying to be patient with extra cats until I can rehome them. Once again, idiot woman disappeared after promising to take them all in. Let me guess, husband vetoed the idea, or she plain changed her stupid mind. Idiot.

In any case, feel very tired and just dying to submit the final work already. Cheers!

Tuesday, November 27, 2007


A picture says a thousand words...

I was (still am) wading through a hundred pages of a document I'm translating when I came across a photo of the guides at the park. The immediate thought that flashed into my mind was - looks like a bunch of thugs. But then something warmed up deep in my deepest memories and into my heart - and I remembered - these people are probably the most genuine people you could ever find.

I had realised that they look exactly like my friends from my university days. The point is, outdoorsmen are probably the kind of people I'd trust most. People can fool you while having a cuppa in Starbucks, but you tend to catch the hidden self after 3 days out in the wilds. Climbing up a mountain takes stamina and mental strength. It strips you of all pretensions. A guy could look like "pijak semut pun tak mati", but on a trip, you can quickly see who likes to take advantage, who does his daily prayers and who are the real deals. So Taichee, I envy you. I really do.

I remember our favourite Abangs from our camping days - Ajie, Anjang, Star, and ntah sapa2 lagi i dah tak ingat. Especially Ajie, who was THE MAN at that time. He's been to more places than we knew existed, he rode a hot superbike (Cagiva, not Harley. Cagivas are WAY hotter than Harleys), he had this irreverent manner, but we knew he has a heart of gold. I wonder where he is now...

Ah.. those were the days... Climbing a mountain or a camping trip is not just an adventure thing. It's bonding, camarederie, doing crazy stuff together, through thick and thin, experiencing hardship and laughter... Life's different for me now, but the memories remain forever :-)

Friday, November 23, 2007

Of Wooly Brains and Shots in the Dark...

Why do some things come out of the blue and jar you out of your comfort zone just when you just settled in?

Have made up my mind to sod employment and register as a sole proprietor when suddenly my darling Bollywood star calls me and tempts me with a job opening in his department. Unable to resist, I submitted my application and this afternoon found myself in his office, being interviewed.

It was kind of hard to explain why I applied for that job when I've been happily freelancing for half a year. And I tried so hard not to overpromise, I might as well have written down - don't give me the job. Sigh. And since my career history goes rambling all over the place, I don't think I impressed anyone of my single-minded pursuit of glory. Double sigh.

Don't you just hate it when you analyze every minute of the interview in your head and suddenly realise the crucial points that you failed to make? Like why in the world did I not make the point that Internal Audit is all about COMPLIANCE. The most crucial keyword, and I failed to put it across? I might as well have been a foetus who knows nothing. Sheez. And it was such a good opportunity...

Oh well... since my life is full of all kinds of surprises and miracles, maybe I'll get another one and somehow get this one too. You never know, do you? :-)

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Waiting to Exhale...

This is F***ing ridiculous! My cheque has been "on the way" for six weeks already, more or less.
I could afford to be patient earlier because I had other income. But it's almost 5 months already, some bills need taking care of and my next payment won't be in until mid-December.

My patience is getting thin, and I'm so closed to murdering the bloody idiot who sent my cheque to the faculty I haven't visited in 3 years. Who did he think was there to receive it? Bini dia?

After that they promised to courier it to me. That was a WEEK ago. I still haven't received anything as of today.


Wednesday, November 14, 2007


I'm sure everyone has received this in the mail at some time or other. I received it again from a friend, and I realised how pertinent the message is. It is one of my motivators of the day.

To all my friends, wishing you success in facing your difficulties and may happiness be yours forever.


Monday, November 05, 2007


Oh God! I just wasted months of my life doing stuff for someone so clueless that I don't think we'd ever get anywhere. My fault for trying to be nice and give him a chance... This is it. I'm not going to bother anymore. Case closed. Finish.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007


I think the last time I played the Scrabble equivalent, Saidina, was 20 years ago in Melaka. Or maybe in high school sometime. In short, a long time ago.

Being a word junkie, or as my Bookworm title is, Wordmaniac, or something like that, I couldn't resist checking out Scrabulous one day. As you all may have cottoned on, I'm hooked on Facebook these days. Friendster apa kelas... ngehehe.. Sampai blog pun tak update dah. Saba ajelah.

In any case, found it quite fun. Took the trouble to learn the meaning of the coloured boxes and read up a few tips. I became quite proficient. Up to the point of people asking if I was using any anagram solvers or word finders. Huh? Got ah? Where do I get those?

After a while, I managed to redeem myself from the addiction and started to lose my mood for playing. I'm playing again now, but at short intervals.

At some point Scrab got stuck and I checked out the Scrab website itself (It's different from the FB app). There I found timed games, which are VERY taxing. I thought "5 minutes beginning time" means 5 minutes per move. Quickly learnt that it was for the whole game. Yikes! No wonder default is 10 minutes. Quite a change from FB players who often take ages to make one move...

But somehow, despite losers who cheat and resign games for no sound reason, I found a number of good players who are cheerful and friendly. 2 of them are on my friend list, and a few gamely 'layan' my requests for rematch. Sometimes I simply look for trouble and challenge the pros to learn a few 'lessons'. Anyway, my excuse is that it's good for my writing. Ha ha.

Still have things to deals with on my FB profile which is a mess, but I guess that can wait. Cheers, guys! Have a good week ahead :)

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

But Seriously...

I haven't been playing Scrabulous for long, but my game has improved a little. Kena belasah tu biasa lagi. But most of the terror players all very the sporting one. Baru hari ni I kena sorang minah tu tak sporting langsung. Ye la, ada la aku buat lawak bodoh on the message board, tapi takde la aku membodohkan dia ke hapa.. Langsung tak nak main dah. Pass turn jer. Saba ajelah aku. Tak tau la kot dia anti muslim ke hapa.. Orang lain takde menda pun. Ke pasal dia ni "terror" tetiba kena blasah dengan Asian tak tau la. Her record memang gempak, jarang sekali kalah.

Whatever la... Win some, lose some...

Monday, October 22, 2007


After months of wrestling with the laptop, watching it die, and subsequently being frustrated by sister's 'siput' computer, I finally solved the problem without too much cost. Asyik jam ajer, keja tak siap, nak download tak boleh. Frust aku!

Nekad ajer bukak casing tu, tengok kot2 boleh masukkan my HDD ganti the other one. Tengok2, tak muat plak. But at least ada la idea layout benda2 kat dalam tu.

I was contemplating to buy an external HDD and installing my ori Windows XP on it. Thot the 'ehem.. lanun copy on the comp was causing the constant jamming. Checked with IT advisor first and he pointed out that it won't do much good if the problem was the RAM. After much fiddling, found the size of RAM was 128 Mb. Dude pointed out 128 was too small for current softwares and suggested I upgrade it to 512 Mb. Benda alah memory stick tu pun I tak kenal rupa dia... Sabar ajelah.

Googled for info, gambar, installation instructions, etc. Pastu bukak casing lagi sekali, cabut benda alah tu bawak sekali pi kedai komputer. Nasib baik bawak. The 1st shop tanya - DDR1 ke DDR2? Alien language alert!! Paling senang, tunjuk benda alah tu kat dia. "Sorry, tak jual. Ini PC133 dah obsolete la..." Darn. Sumer kedai kat OU tu tak jual. Terpaksa jugakla pegi Digital Mall.

Nasib baik ada informant dah bagi tau kewujudan Digital Mall tu. Thanks, bro :-) Aku ni paling malas nak pegi Low Yat. Best gak round kat sana. Sempat la usya laptop baru semua boleh tahan murah. Cari punya cari, finally dapat la jugak beli RAM tambahan tu. Last kopek punya 256 Mb, RM105 je. Kira ok la tu.

So lepas Isya' kasi install dua2 sekali, dapat la 384 Mb RAM. Baru la boleh multitasking. Kalau tak, nak bukak Firefox + Words, sangkut. On Limewire, jam. Nak pasang lagu/Quran + Words, takleh. Pasang AV pun sangkut. AAARGGGHHH!!! Tension!! Camna nak buat keja. Asyik reboot ajer...

So now dah takde alasan kenapa aku takleh siapkan keja... Ahh.. Lega, rasanya...

Wednesday, October 17, 2007


Raya is over. Food has been cooked and eaten. Utensils, kitchen and house is cleaned up. Laundry done. It's time to get back to work. But my computer is now utterly broken. Sister's PC is thankfully usable and I did back-up my work. But have forgotten password to AV, so am not able to adjust anything, or update the &^%$ thing. Some things like Java can't be installed. But as a whole, I can get by. I'm dying to get my lappie fixed and running again. I miss being mobile. Sigh. My life sucks.

Monday, October 08, 2007

Sore Loser?

I doubt it. Have been playing Scrabulous for fun, and yes, I do enjoy winning. Sometimes I score a lot, sometimes not. A few have royally trounced me, but still I ask for more. Have met nice people from all over the globe.

But it irritates me when you play someone who blocks every freaking lane up, and uses weird words like IGLU, MOSK and DIF to get huge scores. Like, what the *^%&^$? Use real words for heaven's sake... Darn. Now no fun oredy... Dowan to play her anymore. Menyampah!


Darn.. I miss traveling... Wanna go Europe again. Or Canada..

Oh hush. Make money and go.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Ikan Paus Goreng Tepung...

On Sunday morning, I was pretty sure I'd skip the Tekad berbuka session since I seriously could not imagine myself cooking up ANYTHING to bring to the party. Fickle one I am, it all changed the minute Aizan messaged, saying her mom was requesting me for kitchen duty. I decided to just grab a few things from Giant on my way there. Junk food was all I was up to that day...

Got there just as Lan, Aizan & Faiez were leaving to go to buy the ayam percik. I went in and found that kitchen duty was already done; so just lepaked and later helped to dish out stuff. Soon, Jai & Asma arrived, followed by Ziad, Zuel and Bet. It was a pretty small gathering, since most people had other obligations. Orang yang beriya2 nak datang pun, ended up in Bangkok that day. Sabar ajelah. Naz, Chaain't, Kimi, Asiah & Baby Ehsan were the only other ones there.

But it doesn't need to be a big gathering to be meriah when it comes to the Tekadmons. There were 3 chocolate cakes, Aunty's excellent nasi kerabu, lots of murtabak, ayam percik, fruits, kuihs, cendol among other things. As usual, the prayer center was at the annex, and we did our obligations in between eating sessions. Very unlike some sessions where obligations were forgotten in the excitement of stuffing ourselves. Unlike our usual sessions, makan time was very quiet as everyone concentrated on the smorgasbord. Except for the amount of ribbing Ziad got over his 'murtabak discount' :D

Half the gang left after maghrib, but the ones left managed to catch up with news and stuff. Chaain't told us about one champ in Perak who needed help. Maybe we'll go over sometime soon. If they are, I'm in...

Then there was the 'Jejak Kasih' session where Chaain't discovered he was related via his wife to Asiah, Kimi's wife. Chee. Perlis is soo kecik... Hmm.. no Johoreans in the fray that night. He he.

We left pretty early that night, but i guess there'll be other sessions soon. Don't worry, Taichee, we'll catch up over Raya. KLites 1st day, kay? :-)

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Boleh berkenalan..?

I've been reluctant to bitch about this because.. well, I'm Malay too. In my younger days it seemed to be a romantic thing to say. Yeah.. like in the movies la. Today? EWW!!!! Please la. So poyo... I do like to meet new people, but meeting new guys online in this day and age is like walking through a minefield. I think I'll make it a rule that any new male friends must be introduced by a legitimate acquaintance, at the very least.

I really dread it when a guy starts chatting with "boleh berkenalan". More often than not, he's married and looking for a bimbo to fool with. Especially when the wife is dalam pantang. Guys, please don't forget who got her in that state in the first place... Otherwise, he's a total freak who thinks he has the right to demand that you give him your phone number after only 5 minutes. God knows what else he's going to demand next!

Even the nicer ones seem icky to me. Like.. why do you need to 'berkenalan' with total strangers when you could spend the time online connecting with yr spouse, yr children, yr colleagues, neighbours, family..? I really don't get it..

If, by some chance, you come across a single guy, he would have this long list of requirements for you to fulfil. You must be within a certain age range, be drop dead gorgeous, a good (as in submissive) girl, bla di bla... Have you ever watched "Date Patrol"? Usually it's the girl who has this problem - having a list of attributes for the 'perfect guy' and scaring them off with their 'interrogation'. Well, this is the exact opposite. Despite the opening line, it seems to me that there's no real attempt to look under the surface. They're just checking off a list of must-have attributes before the final interview. And if you fail, the doors slam shut. No more conversation, no more friendship. You strike out.

Why can't they just communicate like normal adults, for goodness sake? I do have a pretty interesting life, you know; I'm not some debutante at the match-maker's to choose from. Talk to me long enough and you'll know me pretty well. There's no need to bombard me with 20 sensitive questions up front! Learn a little subtlety, for Pete's sake.

And the things they can say...

One guy actually went (yes, in capital letters) - 'KENAPA TAK KAWIN LAGI'?? after 3 questions. Excuse me!! As if it was something I wanted to happen.. Totally insensitive. I lost it and called him a jerk. He said "he knew my type". I doubt it. We never even got that far in our 'berkenalan' session.

Once, I was chatting with this guy I kind of knew from my uni days. It was OK until horror of horrors - he asked me to belanja him that night! OH MY GOD!! Belanja him?? That night? What? Drop everything for the dubious honour of belanjaing someone I barely knew?? I know it was a joke - something you said to your equally pokai coursemates when you were students. I do expect the boys to behave like men now that we're working adults, thank you very much.

Someone pointed out that Skype was not a place to 'cari jodoh', but i really don't think it's any excuse to make it a place to suss out sluts either. I need it to keep in touch with close friends and family; and if anyone wants to make friends, they should mean it. That's all I ask.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

I'll Be There for You

So no one told you life was gonna be this way
(clap clap clap clap)
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year
I'll be there for you (when the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you (like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you (because you're there for me too)

-------That's the end of what they play on the show, the rest of the song as originally recorded continues------

You're still in bed at ten, but work began at eight
You burned your breakfast, so far things are going great
Your mother warned you there'd be days like these
But she didn't tell you when the world has brought you down to your knees
I'll be there for you (when the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you (like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you (because you're there for me too)

No one could ever know me
No one could ever see me
Seems you're the only one who knows what it's like to be me
Someone to face the day with
Make it through all the rest with
Someone I'll always laugh with
Even in my worst, I'm best with you, yeah

It's like you're always stuck in second gear
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year
I'll be there for you (when the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you (like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you (because you're there for me too)

Finding Peace

There are amongst us; homebodies, and those who are infected with an unsatiable wanderlust. What makes each the way they are, and what do they achieve by being so?

Homebodies are those who tend to stay in a place they call home. They seek solace in the familiar, and find comfort where they come from.

There are others who are exactly the opposite. Those who run from the familiar, and seek peace from the unknown.

I suppose, if the familiar brings painful memories, it makes sense to run from it. And vice versa if comfort is found among the everyday.

"Going home" is something commonly done among those who are travel worn, and seek to find long forgotten happiness in their past.

There are some who journey long distances to find their peace, especially with the untimely death of a loved one. They long for change, to accept an unacceptable reality, to make a new beginning, to escape the yearning for something irretrievably lost. Pain can sometimes be terribly acute, it cuts us to the very core. And to some, as the tedium of existence can no longer be borne, that they escape to places far far away.

I would venture to say, each of us are both in our own ways. After all, home is where the heart is. Even the wandering matilda eventually finds a place he calls home. May we all find a place we call home, and find peace there with people who are dear to us.

To peace. To love. To happiness. May God bless us all.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Don't Try This At Home...

Being thoroughly frustrated by my wonky computer which kept sticking and worried sick about the amount of money required to fix it, I gave the board a good slap or two this morning. Of course I was immediately remorseful and worried that I had totally broken the board or whatever. Luckily, the opposite happened. It now works nicely again. It's still a little delicate, but I no longer need to prop it up in order for it to work. My laptop can sit on my lap again! Hurrah!!

There's no guarantees how long this is going to last, but I'm hoping the comp won't die/ get seriously ill again until I can afford/ really really need a new one. Thank you, God! I'll be a good girl now. Promise :-)

Monday, September 17, 2007

Big Bookshop at Atria

Went to Atria yesterday and found that the Big Bookshop has decided to stay. Hurray! They've got books at very reasonable prices, many less than RM20. Didn't buy anything, but it's nice to know that I've got an option for bookstores :-)

BTW, if you want computer parts, don't go to BML at the top floor. They're moving outside by next month, but since it's the same people, just don't go there. The owners like to overcharge. I was blur yesterday and stupidly agreed to pay RM300 for something that should be RM295.80. Yes, it's not much, but I don't like their attitude. Have been going there for yonks, but still they cheat whenever they can.

I don't know the future for Atria. It's not a happening place, but it's convenient - easy to park, there's a Guardian, KFC, Nando's, Dermalogica, Big Bookshop and Victoria Music. Plus Giant and Language House. Their toilets suck, but otherwise, it's all right. Easier to quickly buy something here than braving the jams to One-U or The Curve...

Have a good week ahead, guys :-)

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

A Lempeng by Any Other Name…

... would be called either a pancake, or a crepe, or blintze, or pannekoek…

He he, the things we learn from our favourite activity – MAKAN!!

Pancakes occur all over the world. In Malaysia, it is the ubiquitous lempeng, or kuih dadar, which is essentially lempeng with sweet coconut filling. My dad likes lempeng pisang while Yaie prefers lempeng kelapa. After watching David Rocco, my personal choice is wholemeal lempeng slathered with Nutella and filled with sliced fruits. Yum!

2nd September: Upon suggestion from our Ms Big Boss, 4 of us met in the Curve, aka, new haunt, to check out The Paddington House of Pancakes. Who suggested it to her? Hrmm… ehem!?

I was actually tempted to try it out the night before, but Pakcik insisted we go somewhere else, so as not to spoil our outing the next day… Sigh. Kapured Pakcik somewhere else more expensive. Padan muka dia. It was my birthday anyway.. he he..

Anaz & me got there first. Look at her excited face (pic) - donno how to choose from over 100 types of pancakes available. There is a variety of pancakes from all over the world, with both sweet and savoury fillings/ accompaniments. There is a wide variety of drinks to choose from as well. Prices range from RM6.00 to RM30.00, depending on the set. The savoury sets make great lunch/ dinners. A word of caution: portions are HUGE.

Since it was lunchtime, I asked for a Boston, which is a big pancake filled with corned beef and accompanied with mash potatoes, vegs and a whole roasted tomato. It looked kind of thin at first, but I quickly discovered how filling it was. For once, I could not finish my food, which is a rare occasion indeed. The others got a mish mash of stuff, all of them good and plentiful. And of course we monopolized the place for HOURS just chatting and creating a ruckus. It was a wonder we weren't shooed out after the first 2 hours.. Biasa la.. melepas rindu, kan?

Got quite excited over the place, and was dying to go again for desserts, until I discovered how easy it was to make lempeng in the comfort of your own kitchen. Ingredients are really cheap, you don't even need a recipe to whip up a batch, and the extra batter can be kept in the fridge for a couple of days.

The Pancake Place is pretty cozy, though, so I DO want to go there again and try out the other stuff. Need to set a date with Pakcik for that... Hrmm... bila, eh? Heh heh... :-D

Monday, September 10, 2007

Scare tactics

I have been overweight for the longest time, even though I'm pretty active and love to do outdoor activities. My stamina is pathetic, however, for real sports, so I always opt for non-competitive swimming and hiking.

Watching TV yesterday, I tuned into Home & Health, which is fast becoming one of my favourite channels, and saw "Downsize Me!". It featured an obese homemaker who is so lazy she surfs the net and eats junk food all day long! Once she signed up, though, she was forced to get rid of all the junk, eat healthier foods and exercise a specific number of hours a day. Wow, her trainer is tough.. She hated the food, craved her tons of sugar, but managed after 2 months to drop 11 kg and looked great. Eventually she realised that it was a necessary step, and decided to continue with the lifestyle change. It scared me enough to make me get on the exercise thingy and check on my weight :-p

Puasa is coming, and i guess I should be able to lose a few kg. Just realised that I needed to lose only 4 kg to reach the max of my normal weight range. I wonder what I would look like without the extra 'babat' on me... :-) I WAS slim at some point of my life, you know.. It was a long time ago, but well, it would be nice to be 'normal' again, I think. I'm lucky I inherited Yaie's height, so the extra weight is not too obvious, but I really want to look nice again. All my Singaporean cousins are tall and slim. Jeles la pulak..

Since I have been able to keep my weight relatively unchanged over the past year or so, I guess with a bit of push, I'd be able to lose the remaining extra weight, hopefully. The main catch would be getting enough exercise and cutting out unnecessary fats from my diet. Hrm.. won't get too excited, will just try my best to make the necessary changes and see how it goes. :-)

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Walking The Talk

Sometimes change happens so slowly that you can hardly see them. But knowing that you're moving in the right direction certainly helps.

In any case, it has been a great weekend. Managed to go birding with the birders, which also means good exercise. I got 4 lifers today, which is compensation enough for the time and energy spent, not to mention the sacrifice of sleep. Spent quite a bit of time with Abang & the kids, even Yasmin.

A few things still need to be done, but insya-Allah, will be able to handle them now. Sigh. Tomorrow is a working day, and I really want to clear up the loose ends before puasa starts.

Selamat menyambut Ramadhan al-Mubarak. :-)

Friday, August 31, 2007

Being grateful

It's midnight. The national anthem is playing. Fireworks are going off. As usual, I opt for the TV instead of braving the jams to be in the thick of things. In the crowd, more like it, and this recluse hates crowds. But deep inside I am deeply grateful. Not switching off the PM's address shows respect too, I think. We can't just watch fireworks to celebrate Merdeka.. It has to go a little deeper than that, right? Where would we be had we not won our independence from the colonialists? Even now, there are numerous obstacles in the way of true freedom.

What is it that makes our country so special? It's kind of hard to put our finger on, isn't it? Personally, I put it down to our openness and adventurousness in accepting new things while keeping in touch with our roots.

We can go out and do all kinds of things and eat all kinds of food, but back home, we still eat sambal belacan with our hands. We employ all kinds of "international" behaviours and manners of dressing, but at home, the men still reach for their kain pelikats and children still kiss the hand of their elders.

We are a mosaic of races, like a tom yam, not a melting pot where everything is liquidized out of shape. The mix is not homogenized, but it works. We know each other's 'taboos' and respect each other's religions. It's confusing to visitors, but Malaysians have 'antennae' that helps keep us on an even keel. We even learn bits of each other's languages. It's fantastic!

People have called me "westernized", even though I've never set foot in Jolly 'Ol England. I obviously love travelling. But am I proud to be a Malaysian? You bet!! I remember having dinner with a Brit and Singaporean. The Brit lamented how he felt safer and more at home in Malaysia than in his own birthplace; and the Singaporean said she didn't feel anything about going home, while I, am always happy and proud to be home after a sojourn to foreign lands. The semak-samun along the Johor highways are a pleasure to behold after the sanitary neatness of our neighbouring island. And a poster of Mt Kinabalu could move me to tears. And I absolutely love showing off Malaysian flora & fauna to outsiders. I should be a tour guide. The finer points of culture and tradition are mersmerising, even if I am, admittedly, a little (a little??) unconventional (don't you mean weird?).

Anyway, right now, I'm still striving to give back something meaningful to the nation. I do some volunteer work, but I'm hardly a super effective organised leader. Most of the time I'm just crawling along trying to get a few basic things done. I'll try harder. I promise.

So, will I always celebrate Merdeka in front of the telly? Maybe. The only kind of Merdeka 'do' I really enjoyed was our TKC tradition. Ingat tak Ija? I wonder if the girls still do the same...

Our traditional way of celebrating Merdeka was a performance by the 5th formers. They will all line up at the netball court while the others watch from the balconies. At the stroke of midnight, the bass drummer would sound the drums. The anthem would be played, a poem will be read, other things are done according to the creativity of the batch. After the central show, they will go for a procession around the college, carrying candles and singing patriotic songs... It was lovely. To this day, I still love that celebration best.

Truly, I am grateful for this freedom that has allowed me a good education and various employment opportunities. I love this freedom to be what I want to be, and the opportunity to sit as equals to people who were previously our exalted "Masters". Good or bad, whatever our weaknesses are, Malaysia is still home, and I am a Malaysian. Thank you, Malaysia.


Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Shooting Yourself in the Foot

I was surprised when someone complained about our national airline the other day. As far as I know, the airline has always been reliable. Recently mentioned the incidences to my sis-in-law and she told me that the workers were on an internal strike over the payment of bonuses at that time. Apparently, only the top scorers were given bonuses and many thought it was not fair, so they deliberately slowed things down and caused delays.

The way I see it, it was shooting themselves in the foot. The airline was only just recovering from major losses. I know a lot of people worked damn hard to get things into the blue again. Selective bonuses is a way to reward only the best. In short, meritocracy. However, quite often, there is a perception of unfairness. So it is between paying a lot to a select few, or paying a little to everyone. If you pay everyone, the non-performers get lucky. If you choose a few, the good but not great ones lose out. It's not an easy decision to make.

In general, their staff are already well paid. It's not as if they're dying for the extra cash. And the problems they caused could have caused horrible accidents. As you know, safety is key when you're flying miles above the ground. And the result? They got their bonuses reshuffled, but they lost frequent flying customers. Are they aware of this? What happens if the company goes into the red because of their actions? I doubt they'll take responsibility for it. It's just another headache for the boss and his team to sort out. Go figure.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007


Remember those silly squabbles we had when we were children? Those that culminated in "Taknak kawan dengan awak."? Days later, we'd be playing together again, all disagreements forgotten. Funny to think such nonsense could still occur when you were full grown adults. Maybe adult betrayals of trust was harder to forgive. Maybe you still wanted a real apology. Maybe you were being childish... Kind of weird to see someone online and not being able to start the usual nonsensical banter which was once the norm.

I find that as much as I enjoy being with certain friends, sometimes it lacks the sense of familiarity, the knowing that he would understand where you came from, what you had gone through. After all, no one tells all to others. We are selective in the information that we disclose. Despite the fun impromptu shabu-shabu dinner and midnight birthday bash with a variety of cakes and culminating roti tisu supper, there is a feeling of the superficial, that all was just temporary. Soon, he would return to his world, and again, I would be left to fend on my own. Not many understand the need to belong, because they are often already there. It's a heavy price you pay for ineptitude. Sometimes you wish it isn't so.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Welcome to The World

Baby Yasmin, born 17th August 2007. Wishing you a wonderful life ahead.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Of Illusions, Delusions and Omissions

It isn't often that I call someone an ass and mean it. I did today.

I have been dealing with so much crap lately, and being lied to is absolutely the last straw.

It's pretty obvious that I was sweet on someone, yet I accepted the fact that he loved someone else. I always treated him as a friend, yet he obviously thinks I did not deserve equal consideration, because he did not think I deserved to know that he already married.

Obviously I was not a friend, I was just one of the fawning idiots who worshipped the ground he tread on. Any time we talked, he never admitted that he was already engaged or married. He would never have told me he was with the girl if I hadn't pushed.

Of all the insults in my life, this takes the cake. Have a nice life, mate. This so called friendship is over.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Screwed Geniuses

I have always said, people who created viruses and spyware, malware, spam and whatever horrible stuff on the internet should be drawn and quartered, maybe kerat 14 and fed to the dogs. Not your dogs, Loret. I kinda like them.

I read somewhere that new malware actually have their own AV scanner, which makes them undetectible and hence, unfixable. And giving up on them doesn't really work because they will only get worse! I changed my Zone Suite to PC-Cillin the other day and enjoyed about one day of happy computing. By the next morning, I couldn't even open my files, the system was that screwed. I reluctantly changed back to Zone, but now it's not installed properly and behaving peculiarly. Sigh. This "thing" is so strong it will actually hijack Spyware Doctor and Norton which I consider to be pretty good stuff, and soon, it will tamely exclaim "Congratulations! There are no spyware detected in your computer." Yeah right!

Once in a while I use the office PC and oh! what a pleasure it is working on something that doesn't jam, flicker or blip. Fed up with my comp's numerous problems, I asked my boss to buy me a new lappie and he actually promised to get me one. Ha ha.

I WAS tempted to throw this thing into the lake actually. I have reformatted, changed AV systems and done scans so many times, wasting days on end that I feel like just throwing in the towel and getting a new laptop that's smaller, lighter and problem free. Am I biased? Was it hate at first sight? I loathed this black thing that replaced my stolen silver Atec, and it has never quite worked properly since I got it 2 years ago.

Pakcik suggested that I move out all my files and do a deep system reformat. It IS a good idea, but..... Yeah, sure, I'd love to move a few Gigs of stuff out when I don't have an external HDD and spend the whole weekend babysitting the machine. I have been reformatting one section only, leaving my data untouched. So logically, the malware could be located there... Then, since any one of my files could be the culprit, what happens when I refer to one of the old files? Maybe I should learn to let go and just delete the old stuff. Ugh. I hate the idea, but it's the only thing I haven't done so far... Sigh. I HATE malware creators. Don't you people have better things to do with your God given intelligence??

Friday, August 03, 2007

Sweet, Warm, Fuzzy Wuzzy

Heh heh. No I haven't got a new 'sayang'. Still miss my P, tapi apa nak buat, boyfriend orang... Have been hanging out with Pakcik the past few weeks. We've got our 'usual' meeting place, and the 'usual' meeting time. Eventually insisted I paid my share of food. Kalau tak jadi sugar daddy la pulak. But the heart is a treacherous thing indeed. No matter how much time i spend with someone, it still misses the one it can't have. I forgot how nice it was to hear the warmth in someone's voice until I called G last night. Well, Pakcik is warm, but it's never the same, is it? It was a work thing, I didn't expect much. He never called me since our trip in June, but we talked about catching up over coffee sometime. That would be nice. Life's kind of dull these days. Just work and look for work and suffer housework and deal with problems and then fall asleep. I need so much more than this...

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Of Charms and Luck

Have recently been inundated with a slew of stupid problems. Was bemoaning this fact when I realised that there are hardly any clever ones around... Problems are often caused by stupidity. It's a fact of life... Otherwise, just call it bad luck. That's when your lucky charms and tangkals come into play.

Funny how when I used the bracelet that "attracts abundance", I end up with tons of irritating mini problems. Things get jammed, files get stuck, and I feel that I crawled underwater just to get a few simple things done.

When I wear the one that's supposed to "bring peace and love", I feel calmer, but still things get stuck.

One day I started wearing both at the same time, and I managed to get a few things done with not too much hassle. Still, I feel that I'm struggling to make progress.

I guess when too many things go wrong at the wrong time, you start blaming the universe for your problems. I mean, why does the computer need to go crack when you have a lot of work to do? And why must it be some major issue instead of a simple glitch? I don't throw my lappie around. It fell off the bed one time and suddenly the system board need to be replaced. *&&*#^*&#%*^#*$%(&.

Abah is not himself anymore and stupid stepmother is like a virus that can't be deleted or quarantined. Maybe get those guys to blow her up to pieces so that I can get my Abah back. The day after they stopped by, my wheels went crazy. It's still not fixed and I've been to hell and back just getting to the office and getting any work done. Yesterday I couldn't even connect to the internet to email some vital stuff.

Sometimes I feel like I'm fighting ropes that keep me from moving forward. I feel like going to some bomoh and do a mandi bunga or something. Things suck!!

Friday, July 20, 2007

Fed up

I'm usually willing to keep on trying for ages, the typical Ox bullheadedness. But I think I've had enough of the f**king spyware screwing the Stupid-Suite over and over again. Tak jadi keja aku. So I have decided to let everything do as they like as long as I can get my work done in peace. Lantak la. Asyik kena jam aje, bila nak siap keja?

Monday, July 16, 2007


Phew. Nasib baik Yahoo!Briefcase exists and allows me to upload my work files. At least I have a simple way to retrieve my work from various locations since I can't copy/ retrieve things from the flash drive or print on the lappie. At least the Internet is a reliable option... Buang masa je I try to network the computers semalam. Wish I had thought of it earlier. All those hours wasted! Darn it. How in the world am I going to get everything done before 10 tomorrow?

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Insanity Strikes Back

I have reason to believe that networking a small home network must be avoided at all costs by people with OCD.

Due to my laptop problem which I can't afford to fix, I thought a practical solution would be to network it to my sister's PC and utilize it to access flash drives and shared printers. I have done this before, so it shouldn't be too difficult... Unfortunately, our home system is loonier than I realised.

Nothing is ever straightforward. Numerous attempts to link them up failed for whatever reason. While the lappie connects via wireless, and PC via LAN connection, they are both utilising the same modem. So what gives? Just as I was about to give up, SOMETHING kicked in and voila! I could see a network on the laptop.

My wireless router had failed to connect to the internet when I first bought it, so I took the advice from the internet and changed it into an "access point". It worked great, but unfortunately, it is no longer functioning as a router. Mysteriously, it unfailingly connects me to my wireless network, which I have NO IDEA where it resides, but I can no longer access the web interface controls due to unknown reasons. I thought I could adjust SOMETHING through that... sigh.

Then I found that the network that kicked in is the ADSL modem aka LAN connection. Trying to check it out was impossible since it went to a web interface asking for user ID and PW which I doubt I had ever set up when I first upgraded to broadband. At least I could see computers on my workgroup. I'll call that progress. PC was still unaccessible, though, so I let the little one get a rest and worked on the PC.

Now, the PC is an even smellier kettle of fish. The network just never appeared! And it was impossible to view the workgroup. At some point I disabled the AV and voila! it appeared. With the same problem - can't access the properties/ controls. Great. At least I know its there, at least. Workgroup is still unviewable.

In the end I got fed up and uninstalled the Zone Not-So-Smart Suite and put in the free firewall. Found that it, too, blocked the network, so I shut it down for a bit. And when I restarted it, look what came up if not the Zone Anti-virus which I am sure has already been uninstalled from C: drive. Must have come from the supposedly defunct OS on D:. Yeah, yeah. Guess where all the malware is sitting, waiting for a chance to spring back to life and wreak havoc on the machine. Seriously, this system is weirder than LOST and PRISON BREAK put together...

Realised that my accumulated OE files is most probably full of malware since I fell for a trick and opened up a bad link the other day. *Stuff* has probably infiltrated the system and is calling in SPAM every time I access my emails. Nak delete semua, sayang.... lagipun banyak work related emails kat situ. So I took a temporary measure and exported them all out to the thumb drive. HOW I'm supposed to import them back, I really don't know. Am still getting vicious spam on the email even with them all gone. Urgh. Macam mana lagi nak buat pun tak tau la.

Felt bad earlier for screwing up sister's PC, but have since realised that it was probably a Pandora's box waiting to be opened anyway. It's working much better now that I have deleted the dodgy looking files from D: and that Zone AV has kicked in. I'm not sure if it will ever be crap free, but I guess as long as it works relatively OK, we can just pray nothing kills it outright.

Sigh. The whole day wasted on crazy systems... make that the whole WEEK wasted. Sheez. Saba ajelah...

Thursday, July 12, 2007

The Wrestling Match

I have a throbbing headache and I feel like puking.

Reason? Wrestling with jammed AVs. I couldn't do anything at all yesterday. AV could not initialize and I can't open up files to work on. Internet was totally blocked, so could not send over requested files. Dratted spyware can do incredible harm if not kept away... Sheez. Finally caved in and reformatted C: drive on sister's PC. I hope to God I didn't erase anything of importance...

Comp works ok now but newly installed AV has "Autolearn" which means until it is convinced that Mozilla Firefox is completely harmless, it will take 20 minutes to move forward.

And my laptop? After receiving a 4-figure quotation, I said thanks, but no thanks and will have to pick it up sometime soon. Ugh. Have so much catching up to do... :p

Friday, July 06, 2007

Thursday, June 28, 2007

At the Mercy of A Machine

Don't you just hate it when something you rely on goes all wonky and unreliable? The lappie fell off its rocker recently and now I'm at its mercy. There are 2 articles to be drafted by tomorrow, plus a mailing list to be completed, meaning that I'll have to do a lot of online research. It cooperated yesterday, and I was able to print out my mailing labels. But it's now back to its wonky state and refuses to recognise USB devices; meaning that printers and flash drives are not an option at the moment. New flash drive does not work well with machine, due to a 'superiority complex'. Maybe it's the source of all this evil... Old pen drive is now missing. With my luck, it's probably stuck in one of the hotels' "Lost & Found" drawer as we speak.

There might be some malware lurking in there, for all I know. I don't have the time to reinstall everything, and the best option is probably to just take the thing in for servicing - tighten those loose screws, you know... But again, time is an issue, and if I don't stop whining right now, nothing is going to get done... Sigh. This is a classic case of superior technology vs bad luck...

What to do? Shut up and get back to work, la. What else? Sigh. Oh shut up...

Monday, June 25, 2007


I once thought the most annoying thing to go wrong on the comp is software problems. I was wrong. Hardware problems are even worse! Not only they make working difficult, most of the time it also involves cold hard cash to fix.

I was packing for a trip last week when the conference bag fell off the bed - with my lappie in it. It worked fine until I came back, then it started jamming up. I thought it was a virus, so I reinstalled. Rupa2nya, the machine itself got a screw loose somewhere, so I have to tilt it up a bit, otherwise it won't work. Darn. So, now, once I have it at the correct angle, I can't move the machine. Otherwise it will just completely jam up. Sheesh. How to fix the thing?

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Surprise, Surprise...

Sometimes, it's good to be suckered into doing something.

Promised Khairul a few weeks/month? back that I'd help organise the annual visit to Genting Tea Estate. Mainly out of guilt that I've not been active in the committee at all. In any case it meant receiving phone calls during meetings and NOT noting down important details like names and phone numbers properly. It was a shambles, really. So ashamed of myself.

In any case, the Genting Tea Estate is home to Dato' Henry S. Barlow, one of the MNS Council members; and he invites visitors to his home every year. I have never personally visited, and had no clue what was in store. All I had is the write-up in the newsletter, written by someone else; and it said - an introductory talk at 11 am and a walk around the orchard afterwards (sensible shoes recommended). We were to bring our own picnic lunches and Dato' will be showing off his collection of butterflies and moths afterwards.

What comes to mind when you think of a TEA ESTATE anyway? I had visions of serene walks in an English country garden with a background of rolling tea bushes. Well, to most of us, it sounded like a stroll in the garden and sport sandals are normally what I wear to any outdoor activity. We were in for a surprise.

I hopped into another member's car for the journey, and was I glad I wasn't driving! The road was tricky enough to find, and leading to the estate was a really, really rough and narrow road. It did say so in the write-up, but we never expected it to be THAT narrow. Some parts were so overgrown that we thought we had the wrong road. We crawled along and finally got there. Parked the car, said hello and was told to go up the steps to the main house, which turned out to be... THE RED KEBAYA HOUSE!!

Imagine my surprise... The house used in the movie The Red Kebaya was actually Dato' Barlow's home! Of course I did the most logical thing to do and immediately SMSed my kakis la. The house itself is really charming with the high windows lining the wall and a whole collection of books lining the walls. There were comfortable rattan reading chairs and sofas and woven mats on the floor. Really comfy.

As scheduled, the talk started at 11.00 sharp. However, being the so-called coordinator, I had to deal with phone calls from hopelessly lost people, and at one point was told to lower my voice while trying to give them directions, even though I had removed myself outside the hall. That was annoying. I was missing the talk due to silly latecomers and I got told off for trying to help them figure out the way there. Sheez. Found that the place STARTED OUT as a tea estate, but it went into other directions soon after. Currently, it is being planted with dipterocarps, the purpose of which I am not at all clear. All that is left of tea plants are a few overgrown trees on the estate. However, Dato' maintained that most of the Boh tea plants started out from stock taken from his estate. Interestingly, though, the part that intrigued most Britons (there were a few in the group), was Frank Sweetenham's scandalous past. Go figure. Kepochi, aren't they?

Next was "the walk". It wasn't through a garden, it was through the orchard. And it was not a stroll, it was a hike. Up steep hills and along muddy, leech infested tracks. Never had I ever appreciated the fact that I had forked out good money for a proper pair of hiking shoes just the day before. And I was in the company of a bunch of noisy kids who were stomping around and making a lot of noise with every leech they saw. Amping up the volume if any (on many occasions) were spotted on their shoes/ socks/ person. Sigh. Needless to say, I barely heard ANYTHING of Dato's explanations at various points along the walk.

A self-proclaimed eccentric, Dato' seemed like a stuffy Englishman to me. He was wise enough to wear galoshes for the so-called walk, but he didn't waste much time waiting for stragglers and such. Or maybe he was just annoyed with disorganised 'organisers' who didn't call in advance to check on the arrangements, people who dared come late, run in and out of the room during his talk and spoke too loudly on the phone... Sigh. Guilty as charged. Except for the being late bit. Plus noisy kids. Shee. I was annoyed too. But they were nice kids, just a little too noisy.

In the last bit, we had an option to either go through a jungle path "shortcut" to the house, or follow the way we came. a bunch of people opted for the path, and found it very slippery and a little tough. Thanks to my lovely shoes, I had no problems, but being the 'responsible' 'organiser', I had to encourage people who were having problems with the trek. One complained that "we should have been warned". I thought, no one knew what was coming, so quit snivelling and walk. Mean, but hey, that's outdoor for you.

Once we got back to the house, the first thing to do was check your feet for leeches. It seemed my policy of "I don't hate leeches but I don't like the bleeding" worked because only 2 were found on me when we arrived. This is not counting the ones I eliminated along the way. One didn't get a chance to really sink its teeth in me yet, and the one that did was just a tiny little baby. Thank goodness. I hate the endless bleeding that ensues.

Others were not so lucky. The daddies were really game and simply let the leeches eat their fill, totally grossing out the kids, but of course, making themselves a hero at the same time. Men. One lady got it quite bad and was bleeding quite a lot. But it doesn't hurt, so no one was overly bothered by the experience.

Hungry, we all took out our packed food and dug in. We found a rooftop platform and ate there. There was some lovely lime juice provided by the house staff.

Afterwards, Dato' showed his butterfly collection and talked a bit about the preservation process. We all had a chance to take a close look too.

It turned out that Dato' is an EXPERT on Swettenham, and that he actually wrote a book about him. For history retards like me, Frank Swettenham was the first Resident General of the Federated Malay States. And it was him who laid out the streets of Kuala Lumpur, which stays to this day. The book looked really interesting, but of course, such luxuries are not on the current budget. I must say there were quite a lot of sales today :p

We left about 3.00, and arrived home at about 4.30 pm. I was too exhausted to go see Yuz's baby though. Congrats, Yuz, I'll come see the baby another day, kay?

All in all, it was a pretty rewarding day. Tiring, but I needed the exercise anyway. Trekking uses up more muscles than jogging, and has always been my preferred form of exercise. Should do it more often, actually. Cheers, guys! Have a good week ahead :-)

Friday, June 15, 2007

Pergilah Sayang

Ella dan Korie

Indah terasa bila cinta tercipta
Memadu kasih janji bersama
Bersama-sama melafaz kata cinta
Gurau senda dan tawa berdua

Tapi kini semuanya kenangan
Kau pergi tanpa pesan

Mana janjimu yang kau lafazkan dulu
Hidup dan matimu bersamaku
Rela kau pegi walau hati disakiti
Biarkanlah aku sendiri

Airmata menjadi penawar
Akanku simpan semua jadi kenangan oh... oh... oh...

Pergilah kasih, pergilah sayang
Tinggalkan aku (pergilah sayang)
Biarkan saja kenangan berlalu
Antara kau dan aku
Pergilah sayang

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Reality Strikes Back

You know there is something wrong with your life when trips are never long enough.

Flew up to Penang on Monday for a factory visit yesterday. Found the work to be boring, but it wasn't too bad. Was in the company of 2 distinguished gentlemen. One was older one and the other is a tall, dark and handsome guy with all the prerequisite 5Cs. Stayed in a nice hotel with comfy rooms, hot water showers to die for, a great breakfast spread and close to kopitiams which made dinners a pleasure.

After all that travelling, work and stuff is done, I get home, take a nap, and before long, reality sets in.

The house is grubby, I saw an 'intruder' escaping the kitchen, the cats are all clingy and the neighbour's cats came over to start a yowling match.... And for whatever reason, my sinuses are extra sensitive and my own room irritates them.

I'm seeing a client tomorrow and am still not prepared. It means I'll have to work the night to get it done.

In an ideal world, I would have an immaculate house with someone to keep it clean; and the ability to work very fast instead of being all draggy and tired... Sigh. I need a rich husband.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Left Hanging...

Darn it! I didn't realise I've watched the season 3 finale of Grey's Anatomy two weeks ago. No wonder the 'next episode' never came up for downloading. It's no fun watching it on telly because of the exceedingly long ad breaks. Also it's fun to be able to rewind and pause at will. Yes, I am a little bit on the control freaky side. When will the next season start, I wonder? Hmm... No McDreamy for a while, I guess. Hmm... wonder what happened to MY McDreamy...?

Thursday, May 31, 2007


Watch this movie at GSC International Screens before the season ends... Hilariously funny, and cute, and sweet. You won't regret it. Subtitles are good.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Jordin Sparkles

Was going to do a scoop on Jordin yesterday, but couldn't find the time... Sigh.

As most of my friends know, I am certified to be tone deaf and have no interest whatsoever in singing competitions. But watching this girl, she got me.

She's the American answer to our Siti Norhaliza. She's 17, the age when Siti won HER singing competition; she's sweet and cutesy; she doesn't have an abusive boyfriend or illegitimate child; she's well-balanced, happy and close to her family. And she can REALLY SING!!

Of course she has no problems with the English language :D, but you get the point...

When people were going for Lakisha, Sanjaya and Melinda Doolittle, I already knew the Jordin was going to win. Her rendition of "I Who Have Nothing" - blew me away.

Congratulations, Jordin. I'm already a fan :-)

This is My Now - By Jordin Sparks

jordin sparks

There was a time I packed my dreams away
Living in a shell, hiding from myself.
There was a time when I was so afraid
I thought I’d reached the end.
Baby, that was then.
But I am made of more than my yesterdays.

This is my now,
And I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around,
I can’t believe the love I see.
My fear’s behind me,
Gone are the shadows and doubt.
That was then.
This is my now.

I had to decide.
Was I gonna play it safe?
Or look somewhere deep inside,
Try to turn the tide.
Find the strength to take that step of faith?

This is my now,
And I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around,
I can’t believe the love I see.
My fear’s behind me,
Gone are the shadows and doubt.
That was then.
This is my now.

I have a courage like never before, yeah.
I settled for less, but I’m ready for more.
Ready for more…

This is my now,
And I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around,
I can’t believe the love I see.
My fear’s behind me,
Gone are the shadows and doubt.
That was then.
This is my now,
And I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around,
I can’t believe the love I see.
My fear’s behind me,
Gone are the shadows and doubt.
That was then.
This is my now.
This is my now.

View more photos of Jordin Sparks

Sunday, May 20, 2007

The Next Step

Like any other relationship, some just never work out. Someone takes a bow. You try again, and hope for the best. And sometimes, making the break is the best thing to do. I'm not looking back anymore.

Sunday, May 13, 2007


Call it whatever you like. Superstitions, juju, premonitions, sixth sense... We all believe it to a certain extent.

There is the ever popular "ada orang sebut" if you tersedak, someone misses you if you find an eyelash on your face and "ada orang nak datang" if a butterfly or moth is found inside the house.

Then there is the "meaning of dreams" such as finding a snake in the house and dreaming of water which means good fortune. We all have woken up with a heavy feeling in the pit of our stomachs. And married people profess to the "you just know" feeling that he/she is THE ONE.

There are 'lucky shirts' and rabbit feet and four leaf clovers and horse shoes for good luck. There are old coins and three-legged frogs for some. Horoscopes and astrology, feng shui and other "therapies" complete the set of unscientific beliefs we commonly encounter each day.

Perhaps its the subconscious in our being. Red stimulates the senses and perhaps contribute to a sense of being more energetic and able to garner results which translates to good fortune.

But what about personal incidences that's not in the cards?

I had a watch band that suddenly refused to clasp. I had to hold it together with a wire tie or not wear the watch at all. What does it mean? And if I was able to fix it, does that mean that my troubles will be solved?

What about the "feeling" that someone or something is right for you, or that things will work out all right.

You don't know for sure, do you? But when hope is all but gone, sometimes omens are the only things that you can hold on to to keep from drowning....

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Your Vocabulary Score: A

Congratulations on your multifarious vocabulary!
You must be quite an erudite person.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

The Day That Was

Have been too tired lately to update my blog. Really.

Sunday, 29th April
Got suckered by Aizan to join the Malay Mail Big Walk. Joined primarily due to desperate need for exercise. Had to wake up at 4.00 a.m. to make my way to Aizan's by 5.30 a.m. Went on the 10 km walk with no training and badly atrophied muscles due to changes in life. Finished the walk and started to feel pain all over, especially in my poor old feet. It was interesting, though. One guy was doing Sudoku and one girl wore squeaky selipar jepun. I kid you not. Aidah called her Miss Oshin while I more crudely referred to her as "selipar jepun". I call a spade a spade.

Monday, 30th April
Went to work, hurting feet and all.

Tuesday, 1st May
Cuti, but had plans. Was really not in the mood and on the verge of cancelling out altogether. Dragged meself out of bed and took my own sweet time getting down to TKC. The moment I got there, the guards cheerfully welcomed me with smiles. How come our guards weren't so friendly, ah? Saw the big rock with school badge and "TUNKU KURSHIAH COLLEGE" written on it and almost cried. What is it about old schools that got to you? Probably the fact that it was my first step to independence at the tender age of twelve... And the fact that I spent 5 years of my life there. Good and bad, take it all in. It was my life, my memories.

Found Aizan at the canteen, bought a few souvenirs, then went to the hall to join the tour. Found out that there was a delay, and the Jazzercise was just starting. Were amazed by the "Sway" performance by the OGs and joined in to learn the steps. Ended it with Poco2, which we barely remembered how to do and proceeded to check out the resident blocks. Visited everything, even the sick bay and ended with lunch at the dining hall. Nasi kawah pun boleh rindu, ek? Went off by two, but not before raiding the co-op for more souvenirs...

Next, went to Risq's wedding in Melaka. As usual, he 'advertised' by saying a bunch of cronies will be there, yet none showed. K Zalina had come and already left by the time we arrived. Had a bit to eat and left soon after. Sent Aizan home, lepak2 kejap, then went home to sleep...

Wednesday - caught up with washing and chores. So not fun.

Thursday & Friday - work la. What else.

Saturday - supposed to catch up on work. Yucks.

Blaze Of Glory - Bon Jovi

I love this song :-)
I wake up in the morning
And I raise my weary head
I got an old coat for a pillow
And the earth was last night's bed
I don't know where I'm going
Only God knows where I've been
I'm a devil on the run
A six gun lover
A candle in the wind
When you're brought into this world
They say you're born in sin
Well at least they gave me something
I didn't have to steal or have to win
Well they tell me that I'm wanted
Yeah I'm a wanted man
I'm colt in your stable
I'm what Cain was to Abel
Mister catch me if you can
I'm going down in a blaze of glory
Take me now but know the truth
I'm going down in a blaze of glory
Lord I never drew first
But I drew first blood
I'm no one's son
Call me young gun
You ask about my consience
And I offer you my soul
You ask If I'll grow to be a wise man
Well I ask if I'll grow old
You ask me if I known love
And what it's like to sing songs in the rain
Well,I've seen love come
And I've seen it shot down
I've seen it die in vain
Shot down in a blaze of glory
Take me now but know the truth
'Cause I'm going down in a blaze of glory
Lord I never drew first
But I drew first blood
I'm the devil's son
Call me young gun
Each night I go to bed
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
No I ain't looking for forgiveness
But before I'm six foot deep
Lord,I got to ask a favor
And I'll hope you'll understand
'Cause I've lived life to the fullest
Let the boy die like a man
Staring down the bullet
Let me make my final stand
Shot down in a blaze of glory
Take me now but know the truth
I'm going out in a blaze of glory
Lord I never drew first
But I drew first blood
and I'm no one's son
Call me young gun
I'm a young gun

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Tempat Jatuh Lagi Dikenang...

Am planning to visit my Alma Mater 17 years after our last goodbye :-)

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Don't be sad...

A family adopted one of the remaining kittens today. I hope she finds a good life with them. The other kitten seemed quite lost without her playmate. And Leo, instead of being all annoyed over sharing space, seemed quite protective of the little one. It looked so brotherly that I couldn't resist snapping a photo. So cute :-)

Getting Real

After the incredulity of realising that I was not as smart as I thought I was, it's now time to make amends for my mistakes. I'll need to learn to think again. It's not easy after running on autopilot for years. Low standards made me think I could do a lot of stuff. I could, but not PERFECTLY.

I'm studying again, learning and trying to catch up with what I was already supposed to know. Wild guesses don't work anymore. This is business. There are limits, there are expectations, and there are standards. At the end of the day, it all boils down to... "Do you want the job or not?"

And what choice do I have? This is what I had imagined doing for years, and failure is not an option. What else would I do for the rest of my life?

Funny enough, I found myself making references to the Grey's Anatomy characters.
- Could I ever possibly be like Meredith who was smart, sharp and hot at the same time?
- Also like McDreamy, Addison, Burke, Dr Bailey and the Chief who are superbly competent people.
- Or Christina, though I wouldn't want to be a slob and a tad self-centered.
- Or Izzy, who is good but a wee bit too emotionally involved.
- Or Alex, who is a basic jock, but then, history made him that way.
- I think my boss is a lot like Dr Bailey - tough Nazi, but there's a heart somewhere in there.
- Unfortunately I am a lot like George O'Mally who is a little blur much of the time and blanks out under pressure... Talk about being scared brainless... :p

Obviously I love the series, and hey, who says all the learning is in the books? :-)

I really blanked out the other day, and sometimes my brain just completely refuses to cooperate. For someone who thinks Gurmit is a teddy bear, it's something to be said about someone who could turn me into a blithering idiot. Or expose the underlying idiot. Whatever it is, I need to get my act together - Fast! Pray for me, please... I just can't afford to strike out on this...

Friday, April 13, 2007

Catching up

Finally met up with Chris over dinner a short while ago. Busy schedules kept us from meeting up since last year even though we lived a short distance away. Well, considering he had to fly out a whopping 58 times last year... It's no wonder. The man's a workaholic la, I tell you. He was with James when I went to pick him up, and he's working through the weekend still. Well, I'll have to work too, but at least I'll be able to go out to the lake for a bit... I hope...

You know how I was feeling crappy lately, trying to deal with my new job and new bosses and stuff; but a few hours of catching up worked like a tonic. We just talked about old friends, how WWF was doing, TRAFFIC work, MY new job, new staff, old staff... and as always, we decided that we SHOULD get the old Panda team together for a party sometime. We used to hang out A LOT. These days everyone is just all over the place. Liz is back in Oz, so is Ee Phin, Yumiko's in Laos... But Nain is around, plus Fiza. Amat, San and the boys should be able to come. We were thinking of probably a party out at Steven's or a trip up to Fraser's sometime. What about it, P? You game?

There was some not so good news, and some people we had no choice but to write off as irreparably damaged (friends DO NOT lie to each other, or steal other people's identity), but all in all, it was really, really nice to catch up. Thanks, Loret. You're an angel... Hope you had fun over at Azlina's kampung...

Oh I feel SO much better now. I think I'll catch a quick episode of Grey's Anatomy before going to bed - downloaded using my trusty Limewire. Ha ha. It's working fine now. Don't ask how or why. I'm just happy it is! Have a good weekend, guys! Mwaahs :-D

The Missing Half

I dreamed I lost a shoe, and someone found it back for me. Now, isn't that sweet? ;-)

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Lancing the Boil and Facing the Heat

It hasn't escaped my notice how quiet the taggie has become once I start writing about not so nice things. Ha ha. It's just human nature, I guess. Everyone likes things to be cheery and sunny all the time.

I used to only tell my parents the good stuff and hide the hurtful stuff that happened to me while I was away. No wonder they thought I was alway happy and well-balanced! If only they knew... Maybe I SHOULD have to told them what was happening, then perhaps they would have paid me more attention. But then, we have many reasons to do the things we do, and sometimes we do things the wrong way, and it's not easy to make up for it again.

In any case, I guess feeling and dealing with the pain has helped me find the truth. Rediscover old facts which had been submerged in my deeper consciousness for a very long time. Being told off itself helped me realise that I WAS in the wrong. My focus was all screwed up. I was coming in from the wrong angle, and I was so pleased with myself, not realising that I was not being in tune with the real world.

As with abcesses, aka boils, aka bisul, the medical treatment for it would be to lance the boil and remove all the pus and bad stuff inside it before giving oral antibiotics. Because without removing the bad stuff, the antibiotics would take so much longer to fix the problem. However, the process itself can be quite painful, especially if it hits on a nerve. Unfortunately, it just has to be done. So that's what my bosses did - burst the bubble and apply the remedy. And I had to do a lot of soul searching as well. It hurt, but it's worth the trouble.

In any case, an application of high heat is often useful in daily life. We use it in cooking, UHT treatment, tempering of steel and glass. Tempered steel and glass is stronger than the normal stuff. So people have learnt that an amount of heat, judiciously applied, can make things better off, as long as they were managed well.

So what I do hope is that I'll survive this hurtful process, and come out a better person at the end of the day. Insya-Allah. As for the postings, I hope I can get back to fuzzy wuzzy, warm and sunny mode soon. God bless :-)

Friday, April 06, 2007

School of Hard Knocks

Remember that saying,

"Give someone a fish and he'll eat for a day; teach him to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime."?

It's my bosses' favourite saying these days. And it's ME who's being taught how to fish. Their style.

I'm being mentally pushed and pummelled into shape daily. Each day is like an exam. Anything I discuss will be endlessly torn into its tiny little components and queried until I can't think anymore, and then I get screwed for not using my head...

Sometimes I feel like I'm five years old and I have a new set of parents who's trying to make something out of this idiot that landed in their laps. I'm only taking it because I know I have a lot of weaknesses which needs to be rectified if I want to get ahead. It's no use realising 10 years down the road what exactly you did wrong. But still, sometimes it gets too much and I clam up. I'm just trying not to lash back which is something I tend to do when I get pushed too far, because it would just make matters worse.

Sometimes I wish my parents had guided me more when I was young. At one point I blamed them for my incompetence. But at this point, there isn't anything they can do about it, is there? My mom is not here anymore. Neither is my dad. Not really, anyway. I know that they were doing the best they could under the circumstances. My mom was ill much of the time and my dad, being a guy, just left us kids to deal with things on our own, unless there was a major screw-up and then he would bail us out. Not a very good way of raising kids, if you ask me. But financially, he was responsible, and we never lacked for our basic needs. In any case, it's water under the bridge now. We're all grown up, physically, if not mentally; and we're surviving, at least.

Maybe that's why it's so hard for me to even like anyone. And somehow I end up liking fuckwits who lead me on by pretending to be just a tiny bit more than a friend. When all I wanted was someone I could trust to be a good partner to build my life with. Takpela. I'm nothing compared to the sweet young thing he already has. Thank you for leading me on. It was fun while it lasted.

Another day has begun, and a new round will start. God, help me through this, please!

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Sunshine and My Papaya Tree

One day, a tree decided to grow in my garden. It was a papaya tree and it bore good, sweet fruit. There was lots of sun, enough rain and nice black compost to give it all it needed.

Then came the haze. There was very little sun and hardly any rain. The young fruits could not ripen. After a few months, the sun shone brightly again, and the fruits could finally ripen.

But the fruits weren't as sweet as the ones before. They tasted funny. They had been sitting on the tree for too long, waiting for the sun to shine.

As it is with children who did not get enough 'sunshine' in their growing years. Compare them to those who were 'properly' brought up. I'm sure you can see the difference.

How can we expect all kids to automatically become functioning adults if they were neglected in their youth? We truly are a society who believes in miracles and magic. Maybe the bomoh can make things right again...

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Beauty At What Price?

We all love pearls. Beautiful, lustrous spheres strung on a string; an understated, yet elegant accessory to complete that polished look.

We know how they were formed. A piece of debris falls inside an oyster and it reacts by covering it with a layer of nacre. It covers it with more and more nacre and that’s how the pearl grows in size. For the oyster, perhaps a smooth, round object in its tissues would probably hurt less than a jagged one.

Until recently, pearls were hard to find. Not all oysters have them. Chances of debris getting stuck in an oyster is not very high. Then a Japanese guy came up with the idea of implanting stuff inside oysters to make them make pearls. Smart move. Now we don’t have to open up so many oysters to find a single pearl. Its price becomes more affordable, everyone wins. Humans, that is.

But imagine that you are the oyster…

Being forced open so that a piece of irritating object can be placed inside you. Left to deal with it for years before being harvested for that precious gem you were forced to produce. And what good did it do to you? You, the oyster, get sold to restaurants to be eaten with a squeeze of lemon.

What would you, the oyster, be experiencing in all those long years? You have this thing stuck inside you, and the only way you know to deal with it is to gloss it over so that it wouldn’t hurt so much. And as time goes by, it becomes a constant ache that you have learnt to live with. Instead of being an anomaly only an unfortunate few will have to endure, it becomes a mass inoculation of discomfort.

Bravo, humans. You have successfully manipulated nature to get what you want. Who cares about the oysters? They’re expendable.

Monday, March 26, 2007


Have had to make many adjustments since I started my new job. But it's for a good cause, so I'm all right.

It's so true that if you want something bad enough, you'd do anything to get it. I leave for work much earlier these days and unless something went wrong, make it to the office early. One major factor is the knowledge that the later I am, the worse the jam will be. At least there is only one major bottleneck on my route, so as long as I leave by 8.30 a.m., I'll be OK.

There is also much more work comparatively, but I like it because there's lots of research & writing involved. I go out for meetings and meet actual humans. I'm not forced to leave halfway through at 5 p.m. and I have all the facilities I need. And air-conditioning makes sure I don't get overheated and fall asleep in the afternoons... It IS important to productivity... Such a refreshing change!!

But the jam going home also makes the journey home longer although the distance is only 7 km. That means I get home late, and my babies are often hungry by the time I get back. I'm also tired and for the first week ate out every day. But then eating out is expensive la, so I had to come up with some sort of strategy to enable me to eat in without putting too much effort in cooking. These days I pre-cook things that can be put together in a jiffy. Still experimenting, but so far, OK jugak la.

Starting early also makes me feel sleepy earlier, so no more time wasting games for me lately. Just come home, feed cats, solat, feed myself, clean whatever, watch TV and conk out. You would have noticed that I have less time to blog as well. Can't help it, I'm not home by 5.30 anymore! But if the house is especially dirty, I'm forced to suffer it until I get some free time to deal with it. That sucks la, but you learn to deal with it.

In any case, bosses are fair, but I know for sure I kena "tiaw" if I screw up. Keeps me on my toes... Ha ha. Oh well, better finish my work now. Cheers, everyone!

Saturday, March 24, 2007

I (Who Have Nothing)

(Sung by Jordin Sparks on American Idol)

I, I who have nothing
I, I who have no one
Adore you, and want you so
I'm just a no one,
With nothing to give you but Oh
I Love You

He, He buys you diamonds
Bright, sparkling diamonds
But believe me, dear when I say,
That he can give you the world,
But he'll never love you the way
I Love You

He can take you anyplace he wants
To fancy clubs and restaurants
But I can only watch you with
My nose pressed up against the window pane

I, I who have nothing
I, I who have no one
Must watch you, go dancing by
Wrapped in the arms of somebody else
When darling it's I
Who Loves you
I Love You
I Love You
I Love You
Nice song, but.... eh! Ni lagu lesbian ke? Kejap.. search dulu. Owh. Sung by Tom Jones. Patut la. But the girl did do justice to the song. Ala.. leceh la my Limewire dah kong. Takleh nak download. Heh.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Temper, temper...

It seems Anthony was right on one thing - people who are hurt, hurt others...

I'm usually a pretty easygoing person, but have been a little unfortunate these few days and kept getting screwed by my boss for... well, screwing up... Sheesh! It's not as if I did it on purpose. And I seem to be put under a microscope these past few days... It turns out the one that looks so aunty-aunty is the real slavedriver! Swish! Ouch... Looks can be sooo deceiving. Sigh.

Then someone in the committee pegi angkat bakul la pulak on the group email. Bosan siut!

In any case, finally got my Celcom bill and was not happy by the pro-rated number of minutes I got. I bought 250 minutes, and used up 253. But my pro-rated no of minutes was only 185.5. I registered on the 6th of February and the calls were calculated up to the 27th. So by right, by normal mathematical formula, I should be getting at least 196 minutes, pro-rated. Ini tidak adil!! I'm trying to SAVE money by switching to postpaid, TQVM.

Already incurred a lot of extra costs on WAP and downloading ringtones that turned out so crappy as to be unusable, and sending out MMS to people who cannot receive. Hrmph. What a waste. At least I already anticipated and budgeted for those.

On top of that, kept getting reminders to pay up. Tak menyempat2! One SMS came the day they calculated the bill. How was I supposed to know how much I owed them in the first place? The bill hadn't even been sent out yet! Finally got my bill on the 17th, the day I had to hole up in Holiday Villa sans internet connection for the weekend. Semalam conked out early. Hari ni dah dapat call reminder to pay up. The best part is:-

"Your bill is going to be due in 5 days"

Like, WTF??? Dah la bil sampai lambat, belum due lagi dah dapat reminder... Macam la org sengaja tak nak bayar bil. Diorang ni belajar marketing kat sekolah mana?

Unfortunately for the call center boy, I was in a temper and he got chewed up well and good by yours truly. Not that HE's the one who came up with the stupid system, but someone's got to play messenger, right? Reminded him I could well choose another service provider, a less merepek one. Let him off with a request for someone to clarify their &%%#$@@ calculation system to me tomorrow. We'll see how it goes...

Friday, March 16, 2007

The Beauty of Being Bullheaded

I'm bullheaded. I might as well admit it. I keep doing things when others would have given up. And it works for me.

Do you know why? Because I don't have much of a choice. I know I'm not pretty and charming and sweet. I'm not creative and I'm really bad at PR. I'm a very, very awkward person, especially when I'm trying very hard to mind my P's and Q's. I'm prone to losing my temper and muttering under my breath and making sarcastic remarks.

It makes me unpopular. It makes people think I'm weird. Heck. I think I'm weird.

But what can I do? I have bills to pay. I have dreams I want to achieve. I can't simply curl up and die, even when all seems to be lost. All I can do is to learn from my mistakes and keep on moving.

I stayed back late at the office last night, preparing for this morning's meeting. And all I got from the effort was the admonishment to be more proactive. It was my fault for not printing the documents earlier. I should have known that it was the next step. I should have asked. To tell the truth, I didn't mind staying back, but the criticism hurt. I was still trying to figure out where everything fit in and my boss is so busy I just couldn't get her to check my work before I did anything with it. Plus, I was trying to be polite with these 2 hedgehogs, otherwise I would have been more direct.

If I thought I could just hide behind my computer and write reports, boy, was I wrong... This job is big on PR and image. I had to korek my spare wardrobe for my old jackets and my list of things to upgrade is just about a mile long. No more sloppy clothes and slippers for me... Plus, I needed to interact with prospects, clients and peers. Environmentalists are a lovely bunch. Professionals are a different kettle of fish...

Unfortunately, it's not enough to be clever academically. I learnt that communications skills are just as important as being technically competent. Since I'm practically a baby at doing my job, I feel especially vulnerable. I barely know what I'm doing, and having to work with people who expect so much more from me, it scares the S*** out of me.

To fix the PR problem, I dragged my ass to a Toastmasters' meeting. Luckily for me, Bing had invited me to the one in KDU. To a certain extent, I always saw people who went to Toastmasters' as people desperate to upgrade their image and speaking skills. Well, guess I'm one of them now... Ha ha. Joke's on me, eh? I actually enjoyed the session in D'Utama. Plus, the cutest guy complimented me and a few others invited me to join them for a teh tarik. Pity I couldn't accept... Maybe next time.

It WOULD be too easy to kick the bucket and find an easier job. Except that there IS no easy job.
Is being a cashier in KFC easy? Been there, done that. Complaining customers. It's NOT easy.
Sell nasi lemak - You'd have to sleep late and wake up at 4.00 a.m. to prepare for the morning's sales. You wanna do that? Go ahead.
Desk clerk - Very stable, but you know how much they pay these guys? Plus, it'd cramp my style. Heh.
Whatever the job is, nothing comes easy.

So what choice do I have? I've been given a shot at a job I really want to do; so by hook or by crook, I'll do anything to keep it. I've decided to shut up, accept the criticisms as they come and deal with it. After all, if you know you're below standards, it'd be better to pull yourself up rather let yourself slip under and die. I don't know about you, that's what I think.

And a message for the kids who are just about to start off in the world - Just do it. Quit making excuses. Push forward and go for what you want. You'll get there. If someone as bad as me can do it, what's stopping you? Think about it...

Monday, March 12, 2007


Tolong! Turunkan aku dari sini...

My sis calls these 2 Kiki and Lala - as in the popular children's clothing line. For the life of me, I can't tell which is which. They're doing well without their mama, have been toilet trained and just waiting for that woman to come pick them up. Just hope she doesn't change her mind and come up with some lame excuse not to take them in, because then I'd have to go around looking for adoptors lagi sekali. I can't keep them because the other 3 tak ngam, so I have to sit in the kitchen and supervise at mealtimes to make sure everyone gets to eat. And now the other 3 are sitting outside probably bitching about the kits who are taking over the whole house, plus me, the beloved Queen Mother. Or maybe they call me "that woman who takes the trouble to feed and scratch our ears". Whatever.

Right now the idiots are clambering over EVERYTHING. Even my bare legs. Ouch. This was taken at around 2 in the morning, when I was just finishing up with THEIR dishes. Was already cranky because I wanted to sleep, but I didn't want to leave dirty things in the sink. THEY wanted to play outside, but I was worried the stray dogs might get them. They hate being sequestered in the kitchen, probably because it was warm and humid from the dryer exhaust. I just needed to make sure they don't have any 'accidents' in the living room, because, obviously, it's extra work.

At the moment, my living room is devoid of carpet because it's easier to clean the floor than the carpet. Obviously. But then it looks so togel and unwelcoming... And with all my running around, the floor pun tak sempat nak mop. My stuff from CETDEM belum put away. Need a plumber. Bills nak bayar... bla di bla di bla.

End of this week kena stay in a hotel la pulak. And have to hobnob with senior auditors and consultants. Gotta look sharp... There's a price to pay for being a professional. Or trying to be one. You gotta look smart, and some things, especially clothes, don't come cheap. It's not enought to come in early and stay back late to get yr work done on time especially when you're still learning the ropes. Oh well, it's what I want, so gotta pay the price la. Can't complain there.

Have a good week ahead, peeps!

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

I need more...


Making the transition from being busy to holiday to goyang kaki donno what to do to having too little time to take care of too many things... it ain't easy...

I like the new job, I don't mind having a lot of work to do, but man... this thing I'm working on is slow moving, and I have to practically read 3 law books worth of documents by tomorrow, hopefully by six pm and not the middle of the night...

We were talking of getting together tomorrow night, but somehow I have a feeling it ain't gonna happen. Sis Zura is MIA again and my schedule is not looking good.

Will have to be in PD again this weekend. Am going to take my own sweet time getting to Ilham, am not going to rush. Nasib la. I'm stressed enough trying to deal with some unwanted emotions.

And I can't kacau the lady that promised to take the kittens right now pasal last week she said her MIL sakit. Maybe she's busy taking care of her, seems insensitive la pulak nak bother her about the cats time org tengah susah tu.

Thankfully one lady already took one kitten while Marini took two plus the mama. The remaining 2 dah pandai makan and toilet trained, ready for the new owner. But Girl, I think we'd better fix the mama la. How are you going to deal with another bunch of cats??? Leaving them to their own devices is NOT an option. I think I'll beg the money from my well-heeled friends. My take home pay is reduced now AND I'm seriously thinking of buying a unit near Ja's place. How to cover everything, I wonder. I need financial advice...

Right now, all I want is to get on with my life. Get my own place. Fix my stupid skin. Lose weight. Save a bit. Maybe even find someone. Who knows? I'm an eternal optimist :-)

Acik's wish -
"Agar diberkatkan hidup, dimudahkan rezeki, dipanjatkan syukur, dijauhkan musibah, disihatkan tubuh dan ditemukan bahagia." Amin...