Friday, June 05, 2015

Growing Pains

I remember when I was younger, everything excited me. Nothing was too daunting or scary. Now, even the best things are accepted with caution, because I knew that sometimes, things can, and do, go horribly wrong. Call it maturity, I guess.

Last week I collected a new car, a 2nd hand Honda City that used to belong to Jo's mom. It's a lovely car, low mileage, in excellent condition. I love driving it and I'm thankful I got it to replace my dying old Wira. Alhamdulillah the loan went through, and I managed to sell the old Wira, although at a very low price. Boleh la cover my savings... But I knew, if things go real bad, I may not be able to pay the monthly installments, and that's a rather sobering thought.

Even with selling the old car, I still have not banked in the cash deposit, in case something was found wrong with the car during Puspakom inspection. It's still there because I don't want to collect until the new owner drives it home. Insya Allah can transfer ownership by Monday morning.

2 months ago, I met an older gentleman. By some chance, he was walking along Jalan Subang in heavy rain and I gave him a lift home. Now we're actually talking about getting married. A few years ago, I would have been ecstatic. But at this point, there are so many things that I feel I need to consider and investigate. It didn't help that Abah shut down when I tried to talk to him the other day. Sometimes it's so hard to communicate with my own family, it seems. And I have NEVER, EVER told my dad about my boyfriends, so when a serious one comes along, it gets even harder to broach the subject. Doesn't help that he's a funny looking black American either. But he's a good Muslim, except for being a tad gatal. Which I suppose is pretty normal for men, so I'm trying to be cool about it, within reason of course.

Right now, telling my dad has become my biggest headache, along with my inability to work no matter how long I stay in the office. I'm just wasting time, and nothing is getting done. I KNOW that I need to work, but somehow that's not happening... I don't know why I'm so useless and of course people are getting upset. I really don't know what to do...