"Give someone a fish and he'll eat for a day; teach him to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime."?
It's my bosses' favourite saying these days. And it's ME who's being taught how to fish. Their style.
I'm being mentally pushed and pummelled into shape daily. Each day is like an exam. Anything I discuss will be endlessly torn into its tiny little components and queried until I can't think anymore, and then I get screwed for not using my head...
Sometimes I feel like I'm five years old and I have a new set of parents who's trying to make something out of this idiot that landed in their laps. I'm only taking it because I know I have a lot of weaknesses which needs to be rectified if I want to get ahead. It's no use realising 10 years down the road what exactly you did wrong. But still, sometimes it gets too much and I clam up. I'm just trying not to lash back which is something I tend to do when I get pushed too far, because it would just make matters worse.
Sometimes I wish my parents had guided me more when I was young. At one point I blamed them for my incompetence. But at this point, there isn't anything they can do about it, is there? My mom is not here anymore. Neither is my dad. Not really, anyway. I know that they were doing the best they could under the circumstances. My mom was ill much of the time and my dad, being a guy, just left us kids to deal with things on our own, unless there was a major screw-up and then he would bail us out. Not a very good way of raising kids, if you ask me. But financially, he was responsible, and we never lacked for our basic needs. In any case, it's water under the bridge now. We're all grown up, physically, if not mentally; and we're surviving, at least.
Maybe that's why it's so hard for me to even like anyone. And somehow I end up liking fuckwits who lead me on by pretending to be just a tiny bit more than a friend. When all I wanted was someone I could trust to be a good partner to build my life with. Takpela. I'm nothing compared to the sweet young thing he already has. Thank you for leading me on. It was fun while it lasted.
Another day has begun, and a new round will start. God, help me through this, please!
I'm being mentally pushed and pummelled into shape daily. Each day is like an exam. Anything I discuss will be endlessly torn into its tiny little components and queried until I can't think anymore, and then I get screwed for not using my head...
Sometimes I feel like I'm five years old and I have a new set of parents who's trying to make something out of this idiot that landed in their laps. I'm only taking it because I know I have a lot of weaknesses which needs to be rectified if I want to get ahead. It's no use realising 10 years down the road what exactly you did wrong. But still, sometimes it gets too much and I clam up. I'm just trying not to lash back which is something I tend to do when I get pushed too far, because it would just make matters worse.
Sometimes I wish my parents had guided me more when I was young. At one point I blamed them for my incompetence. But at this point, there isn't anything they can do about it, is there? My mom is not here anymore. Neither is my dad. Not really, anyway. I know that they were doing the best they could under the circumstances. My mom was ill much of the time and my dad, being a guy, just left us kids to deal with things on our own, unless there was a major screw-up and then he would bail us out. Not a very good way of raising kids, if you ask me. But financially, he was responsible, and we never lacked for our basic needs. In any case, it's water under the bridge now. We're all grown up, physically, if not mentally; and we're surviving, at least.
Maybe that's why it's so hard for me to even like anyone. And somehow I end up liking fuckwits who lead me on by pretending to be just a tiny bit more than a friend. When all I wanted was someone I could trust to be a good partner to build my life with. Takpela. I'm nothing compared to the sweet young thing he already has. Thank you for leading me on. It was fun while it lasted.
Another day has begun, and a new round will start. God, help me through this, please!
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