Wednesday, May 23, 2012


Some people can't live without their cigarettes. Some let alcohol take over their lives. Others screw their lives with drugs. I screw my life with games.

Some games are addictive because they're repetitive and require almost no thinking skills. I can sit there for hours playing Bejeweled trying to reach a certain score or achieve a certain challenge. Blitz is worse because it 'only' takes 1 minute per game, that you keep going for another minute, and another, and another, until 3 hours have passed and you end up being zombified by the experience. Not to mention the amount of actual work that you could have accomplished in the meantime.

I find that the best way to stop the addiction is to cut off access to the abusive substance. I did that with Zombies and many other games I used to be addicted to. The problem is, it's too easy to find other things to be addicted to!

Recently it was Korean dramas. Ojakgyo was the worst because I couldn't stop wondering what would happen next. And there were so many cast that I spent too much time looking them up - to the detriment of my actual work. Sheez. Once Ojakgyo finished, I watched another series, which thankfully was short and not too addictive. I only spent too many hours trying to watch them all in one go. Scent of a Woman got me all overexcited and crazy. Now the craziness is petering out and it's easier to be in control. But God knows what will trigger the insanity yet again :(

I know for sure one thing lacking in my life is a close relationship. Nix is hardly online these days. I barely see the girls, and lately meeting up seems more of a bragging session than just having fun. I don't join a lot of MNS activities anymore and the WWF gang is all over the place already. I don't go to TSEA or MYCAT much. And the GEC people are not very fun loving. We did have a few nice dinners, but then you still have to deal with asinine stories and the lembu babi jabs. I understand, mister, just because I don't retaliate doesn't mean I'm a complete airhead.

Cutting off the anak ikan left a big void which was hard to fill. Graham is so far away and there's no one else on the horizon. All the people I met online didn't pan out and right now, I think I'm better off alone/with old friends rather than layaning some silly guy and wasting my time.

Kena sound brought another thing to my attention - I was 'blank' or stupefied not because I couldn't think, but because I was filling my mind with junk information, crowding out the small bits of relevant knowledge that are essential to my survival and growth... Instead of looking for the information that I needed, I was running away from the fact that I didn't know how to get something done properly. So, feeling like a total loser, I drowned my sorrows in distraction instead of learning something new..

So you know what needs to be done now, right? Hwaiting!!