The Beauty of Being Bullheaded

I'm bullheaded. I might as well admit it. I keep doing things when others would have given up. And it works for me.

Do you know why? Because I don't have much of a choice. I know I'm not pretty and charming and sweet. I'm not creative and I'm really bad at PR. I'm a very, very awkward person, especially when I'm trying very hard to mind my P's and Q's. I'm prone to losing my temper and muttering under my breath and making sarcastic remarks.

It makes me unpopular. It makes people think I'm weird. Heck. I think I'm weird.

But what can I do? I have bills to pay. I have dreams I want to achieve. I can't simply curl up and die, even when all seems to be lost. All I can do is to learn from my mistakes and keep on moving.

I stayed back late at the office last night, preparing for this morning's meeting. And all I got from the effort was the admonishment to be more proactive. It was my fault for not printing the documents earlier. I should have known that it was the next step. I should have asked. To tell the truth, I didn't mind staying back, but the criticism hurt. I was still trying to figure out where everything fit in and my boss is so busy I just couldn't get her to check my work before I did anything with it. Plus, I was trying to be polite with these 2 hedgehogs, otherwise I would have been more direct.

If I thought I could just hide behind my computer and write reports, boy, was I wrong... This job is big on PR and image. I had to korek my spare wardrobe for my old jackets and my list of things to upgrade is just about a mile long. No more sloppy clothes and slippers for me... Plus, I needed to interact with prospects, clients and peers. Environmentalists are a lovely bunch. Professionals are a different kettle of fish...

Unfortunately, it's not enough to be clever academically. I learnt that communications skills are just as important as being technically competent. Since I'm practically a baby at doing my job, I feel especially vulnerable. I barely know what I'm doing, and having to work with people who expect so much more from me, it scares the S*** out of me.

To fix the PR problem, I dragged my ass to a Toastmasters' meeting. Luckily for me, Bing had invited me to the one in KDU. To a certain extent, I always saw people who went to Toastmasters' as people desperate to upgrade their image and speaking skills. Well, guess I'm one of them now... Ha ha. Joke's on me, eh? I actually enjoyed the session in D'Utama. Plus, the cutest guy complimented me and a few others invited me to join them for a teh tarik. Pity I couldn't accept... Maybe next time.

It WOULD be too easy to kick the bucket and find an easier job. Except that there IS no easy job.
Is being a cashier in KFC easy? Been there, done that. Complaining customers. It's NOT easy.
Sell nasi lemak - You'd have to sleep late and wake up at 4.00 a.m. to prepare for the morning's sales. You wanna do that? Go ahead.
Desk clerk - Very stable, but you know how much they pay these guys? Plus, it'd cramp my style. Heh.
Whatever the job is, nothing comes easy.

So what choice do I have? I've been given a shot at a job I really want to do; so by hook or by crook, I'll do anything to keep it. I've decided to shut up, accept the criticisms as they come and deal with it. After all, if you know you're below standards, it'd be better to pull yourself up rather let yourself slip under and die. I don't know about you, that's what I think.

And a message for the kids who are just about to start off in the world - Just do it. Quit making excuses. Push forward and go for what you want. You'll get there. If someone as bad as me can do it, what's stopping you? Think about it...