Thursday, September 11, 2014

When Abnormal is Normal...

This week I have been going home at about 7 or 8 pm, cooked, ate, watched . I some TV and conked out. I said conked out because unlike other people who consciously GO to bed, I literally fell asleep - in front of the TV or in bed, Sans blanket and with the lights on. This means lower quality rest, which results in a zombified me in the morning. A zombie who is terrified because she has not completed any work, and deadlines are looming as huge as mount everest...

Last night I left about 8, had a waffle and some other junk in the old A&W, then went home. Barely watched CSI, then went to bed. I don't recall switching off the lights... Anyway, woke up at 2.45 a.m., unhappy because I had fully intended to finish proofreading a book that night. Did this and that and finally started reading said document at 4 a.m. Amazingly i understood what I had been reading the past WEEK without success. It was as if I was scanning the text without understanding its contents. So it was nice to finally understand what I was reading about. The downside is, I was in bed, lying down. is this the only way to make stuff compute in my head??? God forbid!

Dozed off at 5 a.m. and woke up for real at about 8 a.m. This morning managed to get SOME minor things done. Did I get 8 hours sleep? No. Did I have uninterrupted sleep? Not really. But being able to catch up with work felt good. It helped me function before noon.

I might have to get a cleaner again. I can't work if I keep stressing about the condition of the house and getting angry with my sister for not helping out enough. She works late, and I NEED to work late. The fact that I can actually come home earlier doesn't mean that I can spend all my waking hours keeping house.

I think I'll allocate 2 half days to housework on the weekends, not more than that. It would make me feel much better to be able to catch up with work. I'm SO behind it sucks. 

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Creative Writing?

Have been feeling a little off all day, and all that mayo on the deli sandwich is not helping... Couldn't help remembering how it felt to puke the other day. So, in order to "hone my writing skills", let's try to describe the sensation of throwing up. Bluwekkkk!!! Buahahahaha....

I felt nauseous... I wondered why. Did I eat something bad again, or was it those damned cashew skins? The nuts tasted fine... Oh oh, I hope I don't throw up in the office again.

Suddenly... it was time. To puke. I staggered to the bathroom. Barely had time to open the lid before the first wave hit. Brueeekkkk... all the noodles I had that morning came out. There goes my puasa ganti. It stopped. Hmm... that was quick. Was that all? I did take off the cashew skins before eating, some leftover bits couldn't be that bad, right? I looked into the bowl. Big mistake. All that gunk swimming around made me nauseous. I hurled again. Man... they don't call it projectile vomiting for nothing. Everything just raced out my stomach into the toilet bowl! After a few heaves, it stopped. I quickly rinsed the rim and flushed. 

I limply went back to bed and lay down. Something was funny, I thought. For years I always vomited in a moving vehicle. Weak stomach. Yeah, pathetic, I know. It always tasted and smell sour. This one didn't. Taste or smell sour, I mean. It was strange. The food was too intact. I could feel the bits moving up my esophagus on their way up. It was the same when it happened on Friday too. I could see food ingested a day ago. Gross, but kind of the point of this article :D No wonder I felt bloated. Indigestion REALLY means an inability to digest food, it seems. My mouth tasted bitter. I'd have to brush again... 

I closed my eyes. And turned over. Oops.... there it is again, that sensation. I went back to the loo and waited. I took a deep breath. Was it ok? Was it just a false alarm? One salty swallow and... hueeekkk. And there you go... Round three. More heaving, more food coming out. OK, my stomach must be empty by now. But no! Another round came up. This time it was dark orange, no doubt my PTB meds coming up again. Another one and it actually tasted sour. Goodness!! Was this yesterday's food? How could it come up separately? Do we have multiple chambers like cows and other ruminants in our stomachs? Years of looking at drawings suggested otherwise. 

Thank God the heaving stopped after a few more rounds. I brushed my teeth and went back to bed. Lay down until the nausea passed and I could get up and get ready. I went to work. It was fine. 

-------------The End---------------

Lesson learnt: NEVER buy cashew nuts with skins on. Shells are even worse. Spare yourself the agony :P




Friday, June 13, 2014

Balancing Act

Come to think of it, a few weeks ago I really enjoyed staying home. But eventually I realised that my life was very unbalanced if I don't work. Being back at work has been good. I couldn't do much at home, somehow time was dominated by cooking, eating and cleaning in between cosseting my cats! At least at the office I'm FORCED to make full use of available time before I clocked off for the day.

I do miss home a little, especially the cats... But this is definitely better. I can earn a living, and face it, the four idiots can entertain themselves while mummy goes to earn money for their food. They have been eating SO much lately! We've opened the 3rd bag of food already in 3 weeks... Plus I spent quite a lot for their fresh fish this month. At least they're healthy and happy, I really can't stand it if they're not well.

Have been missing prayers, and right now, the only way I can push myself is by reminding me that I had been given extra time to collect 'bekalan akhirat'. I think the Big Boss gave me a scare to remind me that my supplies have been sorely lacking! And at the same time He answered my fervent prayers to 'please cure this irritating cough'. God really works in mysterious ways :P

Some colleagues have been avoiding me although I have been cleared as non-infectious. Am just shrugging it away. They'll come around. I won't come and endanger people if I knew I was still a threat. Some have been quite welcoming, which is nice. I'd hate to be hated. I hope I can somehow get my act together soon, I'd like to excel and choose where I go instead of being kicked around. Life would be better if I wasn't so hopeless all the time! Hwaiting!!

Saturday, June 07, 2014

Time Time Time...

It's already 1.30 p.m. What have I done today? Well, at least the dishes are done.... Have made breakfast, watched My Kitchen Rules, now catching CSI... Need to pick up a few things from Tesco and maybe make a quick stop at Segi Fresh to get some backup fish for the cats. The poor things have had to deal with cheap canned grub and dry food the past week. Pikachu is looking a little more lively today, so I hope I won't have to worry about a vet.

Been totally useless trying to work, will HAVE to ask for help if I don't want to get kicked out the moment I pop in. I should hang on for another six months so that I can clear my car and credit card debts. I'll be lucky if I can survive another year. It looks pretty bleak right now. Haven't done anything right and so much wrong...

Thank God we're safely installed in our new apartment and not in that irritating place anymore. My costs have not gone down much because of the higher electricity and Unifi bills. I still need to worry about stuff, and work is a major headache right now. I can't concentrate, I fall asleep and I have no idea what to write. Am slowly easing back into reality and I HOPE I can get back on track soon. Only God can save me now and being consistent with prayers is already a challenge. Save me from myself, please...

Monday, June 02, 2014

Feeling toxic

Found out recently that a few of my colleagues had latent infections... Man, that sucks big time! I don't know how I can show my face at the office now. It's one thing for me to struggle with a disease, but passing it on is not something I ever want to do. Have messaged my apologies (doubt they'll want to take my calls) and so far all I've got is stony silence. If I was Japanese I'd have to commit harakiri for bringing disease to my workplace... As it is, I'm sorely tempted to leave. I don't have much heart to soldier on these days. I have been struggling to balance work and my pathetic life for so long, and all I managed to get is a disease due to poor health. So many sleepless nights, stressful days and fruitless hours of work. Maybe I'll be better off sorting shelves at the neighbourhood supermarket instead of trying to be a white collar worker who doesn't know head or tail of what she is supposed to do.

It's past midday and I'm still bellyaching instead of doing real work. Spent hours changing the sheets, sweeping, mopping and cleaning the loo before I even entered the study. At least I've sorted out the pile of junk. Should take out the trash and check my mailbox before eating lunch. Think I'll do some tagine and couscous today. Then I really must get back to work. Even if I don't want to... I need plan B :(