Why I don't celebrate Christmas

A lot of non-Christians celebrate Christmas. It's a very glitzy, much popularised affair. All those Christmas carols, gifts, trees, cheesy Christmas movies, what have you. What's not to like? I pun join in the festivities too.

But at heart, it's not something I personally celebrate. For one, the cynic in me seriously doubts that it's the real Jesus Christ's birth date. A long time ago Christ's birthday was celebrated in February or April, I can't remember when. (Sorry tak larat nak research. ) December was time for the Yule festival, a pagan holiday. But someone decided to mesh the two together so people moved the date.

I wouldn't mind celebrating the real Jesus' birthday, you know. Isa alaihissalam (pbuh) is one of the greatest and much loved prophets in Islam. We believe in him, and Mary and the book bestowed upon him. But we draw the line at proclaiming him God. Since we agree that there is only one God; if he is God, who was he praying to?

The other reason is because I'm stingy. All this gift giving etc. Wow. That takes a lot of funds, people! I do give to those in need, and to loved ones, at appropriate occassions. But everyone at the same time? Haiya, cannot lar.

I'm actually bengang because someone proclaimed people who don't take to the Christmas spirit are idiots. Oi! Mulut tu jaga sikit boleh tak? Would you wish a Happy Deepavali to a true blue Ah Beng? Nonsense right? If you're not even Christian to begin with, no need to be so sebok la. This aunty also feels the Halloween parties, Oktoberfest and whatnot are just money making themes and don't really need to be celebrated in Malaysia.

Truth be told, too much false cheer can really backfire. Lonely and sad people actually get depressed amid the Christmas cheer.That is why suicide rates are higher in this season. People expect miracles and happiness, and when they don't come, they get even sadder.

So to cut the rant short, I'm not against Christmas. If you're a believer, go for it. And I hope you enjoy the festivities and merrymaking with friends and family. No need to try and cheer me up with something i don't believe in. I'm happy enough, thank you. 

Refocusing?

Last year I was stressing out about buying the apartment. This year I was busy decorating, and then getting sick. I lost a lot of time, I got exhausted easily, and later I was just too busy keeping up with the housework.

I have not worked very hard this year. You can say I hardly worked. I feel bad about it. I wish I was a normal, competent human being. I wish I could catch up with my work, I am so far behind... I'm so slow, I get distracted all the time.

I hope 2015 will be a better year overall, I hate being a non-performer.

We should discuss hiring a weekly cleaner. K Ayu should chip in, local ones are expensive.

I need to work harder, make full use of the study and the home internet connection. No more fostering little brats. No more games.

May 2015 be the year I learn to work like other people. Amin. 

How long has it been?

If my love life in my 20s and 30s was sparse, it's simply nonexistent now :( At least I'm a little more financially comfortable. Alhamdulillah...

Lately I've had very little time for extracurricular activities, and I'm not very sure why. I haven't gone to an MNS talk or gathering for years.I haven't even renewed my membership this year! At least I'm planning a birding trip to Khao Yai in December. Birding has been limited to my apartment grounds, there are very few birds encountered in Indonesia.

Been busy with Mandarin classes the past few weeks, am lucky I passed the exam despite missing classes due to the meeting in Pekanbaru. Taking the following term walaupun malas nak belajar; at some point, I need to keep at something until I'm proficient enough to converse in the 3rd language... It's not fun, it's not glamorous, call it trying to cross the gap between our divided cultures. Bear in mind I also have to fork out about RM410 per term where I learn precious little in class. Unfortunately I need that guidance due to the difficulty in pronouncing the darn language.

Have offered to help at PAWS, hope I can keep at that if I start. I KNOW I won't be able to commit to SPCA or the zoo due to the distance. Yes, I hate driving through jams and I'm very calculative about my petrol consumption, plus, I'm greedy about spending time in the apartment.

Have been enjoying our apartment, I love having aircon and water heater and I'm spoilt for choice with both ASTRO and HyppTV available on top of fast internet. A bit of overkill, really. I really should share our connection with the neighbours, just need to be tactful and not hurt anyone's pride while at it. The cats love the place too, and I like having the balcony where I can plant stuff. Although I spend a bit of time cleaning up the place... No cleaners yet, local ones are damn expensive and I'm getting tired of supporting illegals. Especially the contractors, they REALLY piss me off.

I haven't been working very hard at all this year. Can't work at all at home. By the time I've fed the cats, cleared the kitty litter, watered the plants, cooked and ate, it would be very late already. If I watch TV or play games - done. All time wasted. That reminds me, time to unsubscribe Big Fish and Mind Tools... It's a bit nuts, actually.

Have still not painted our doors after so many months. K Ayu doesn't even consider it la. Bangun pagi main tepon, tengok TV, pegi keja. Balik tengok TV and main tipon lagi. Bloody useless roomate. Dah la bil aku yang bayar, housekeeping pun aku jugak yg kena buat. Masak jangan harap la. Aku ni hamba dia ke hapa gamaknya.

Teringat2 zaman tengok Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, Chuck, CSI, Korean dramas non-stop dulu. Sekarang ni Big Bang pun tengok mana sempat aja, Downton Abbey sampai miss a whole season...

Well, my fault too pasal been spending a lot of time playing games. I like the mystery solving stuff even though I don't really like HOPs. And ironically, have been wasting too much time playing time management games.

Also spent time fostering the kittens and managing the brats I guess. Captain had this weepy eye for awhile, Pikachu had a minor kutu problem and Michelle's ear needs constant cleaning. Leo had an infected paw before he disappeared. Gues I spent some time looking for him too. I miss him ;(

Gone are the days I attended parties and had people over to the house. No more Mr Bean, no Mr P, no anak ikan, no Mr Lim. What a boring life I live... No dates, no phone calls, no affection, nothing. Wish I could find someone for real and not scare him away. Is it even possible? I wish it could be...

Neverending story..

Came home to a severely messy home on Sunday. Seriously, even dishes washed before I left were still on the drying rack when I came home. The tables were full of stuff. The floor was dirty. There was evidence of a half hearted attempt to vacuum before I came home and made noise. I'm just happy my plants are still alive.

Now, five days later, I'm still washing clothes and clearing up, both things brought home and left untended at home. Adoii... My Mandarin exam is in 2 days and I have studied squat. Too immersed in Indonesian while I was in Riau, I've lost the feel for Mandarin. Damnit. Have to really study if I don't want the money paid to go down the drain :P 

Committed!

Strange. Being a normally hesitant person, I have just booked my room in Pekanbaru and Bangkok, and purchased the flight ticket with little trepidation.

The Pekanbaru room is for my extra day in PKU after the series of meetings next week, and Bangkok is for my birdwatching trip in December. I guess there's something to be said about doing things early as opposed to the very last minute (which happens all too often in my life).

Bought MAS tickets instead of Air Asia because I got tired of all the extra charges piled on after you start the booking process. I almost completed my booking yesterday but quit after I realised that the outgoing flight time and date had shifted after I shifted the return date.

Today I decided to check MAS options because they fly to Suvarnabhumi as opposed to Don Meuang. Also ended up paying a lower price because the prices are actually VERY competitive, and there is no extra nonsense like luggage fees and meals. It also meant I shifted my travel dates a day early, but I can get cheap hotels through Agoda and I don't mind having a couple hours extra in BKK. Gives me more time to find the bus station and buy tickets for the group.

I abandoned the Pekanbaru booking too, yesterday because the service tax addition bothered me. Today we had a minor issue with possible meeting postponement, so I was glad I didn't go through with it. The booking today actually cost less than yesterday's, I'm not too sure what the difference was, but I'm quite happy with it.

Hope nothing goes wrong now that I've committed to the trip... Looking forward to a nice getaway soon :) 

When Abnormal is Normal...

This week I have been going home at about 7 or 8 pm, cooked, ate, watched . I some TV and conked out. I said conked out because unlike other people who consciously GO to bed, I literally fell asleep - in front of the TV or in bed, Sans blanket and with the lights on. This means lower quality rest, which results in a zombified me in the morning. A zombie who is terrified because she has not completed any work, and deadlines are looming as huge as mount everest...

Last night I left about 8, had a waffle and some other junk in the old A&W, then went home. Barely watched CSI, then went to bed. I don't recall switching off the lights... Anyway, woke up at 2.45 a.m., unhappy because I had fully intended to finish proofreading a book that night. Did this and that and finally started reading said document at 4 a.m. Amazingly i understood what I had been reading the past WEEK without success. It was as if I was scanning the text without understanding its contents. So it was nice to finally understand what I was reading about. The downside is, I was in bed, lying down. is this the only way to make stuff compute in my head??? God forbid!

Dozed off at 5 a.m. and woke up for real at about 8 a.m. This morning managed to get SOME minor things done. Did I get 8 hours sleep? No. Did I have uninterrupted sleep? Not really. But being able to catch up with work felt good. It helped me function before noon.

I might have to get a cleaner again. I can't work if I keep stressing about the condition of the house and getting angry with my sister for not helping out enough. She works late, and I NEED to work late. The fact that I can actually come home earlier doesn't mean that I can spend all my waking hours keeping house.

I think I'll allocate 2 half days to housework on the weekends, not more than that. It would make me feel much better to be able to catch up with work. I'm SO behind it sucks. 

Creative Writing?

Have been feeling a little off all day, and all that mayo on the deli sandwich is not helping... Couldn't help remembering how it felt to puke the other day. So, in order to "hone my writing skills", let's try to describe the sensation of throwing up. Bluwekkkk!!! Buahahahaha....

I felt nauseous... I wondered why. Did I eat something bad again, or was it those damned cashew skins? The nuts tasted fine... Oh oh, I hope I don't throw up in the office again.

Suddenly... it was time. To puke. I staggered to the bathroom. Barely had time to open the lid before the first wave hit. Brueeekkkk... all the noodles I had that morning came out. There goes my puasa ganti. It stopped. Hmm... that was quick. Was that all? I did take off the cashew skins before eating, some leftover bits couldn't be that bad, right? I looked into the bowl. Big mistake. All that gunk swimming around made me nauseous. I hurled again. Man... they don't call it projectile vomiting for nothing. Everything just raced out my stomach into the toilet bowl! After a few heaves, it stopped. I quickly rinsed the rim and flushed. 

I limply went back to bed and lay down. Something was funny, I thought. For years I always vomited in a moving vehicle. Weak stomach. Yeah, pathetic, I know. It always tasted and smell sour. This one didn't. Taste or smell sour, I mean. It was strange. The food was too intact. I could feel the bits moving up my esophagus on their way up. It was the same when it happened on Friday too. I could see food ingested a day ago. Gross, but kind of the point of this article :D No wonder I felt bloated. Indigestion REALLY means an inability to digest food, it seems. My mouth tasted bitter. I'd have to brush again... 

I closed my eyes. And turned over. Oops.... there it is again, that sensation. I went back to the loo and waited. I took a deep breath. Was it ok? Was it just a false alarm? One salty swallow and... hueeekkk. And there you go... Round three. More heaving, more food coming out. OK, my stomach must be empty by now. But no! Another round came up. This time it was dark orange, no doubt my PTB meds coming up again. Another one and it actually tasted sour. Goodness!! Was this yesterday's food? How could it come up separately? Do we have multiple chambers like cows and other ruminants in our stomachs? Years of looking at drawings suggested otherwise. 

Thank God the heaving stopped after a few more rounds. I brushed my teeth and went back to bed. Lay down until the nausea passed and I could get up and get ready. I went to work. It was fine. 

-------------The End---------------

Lesson learnt: NEVER buy cashew nuts with skins on. Shells are even worse. Spare yourself the agony :P

Balancing Act

Come to think of it, a few weeks ago I really enjoyed staying home. But eventually I realised that my life was very unbalanced if I don't work. Being back at work has been good. I couldn't do much at home, somehow time was dominated by cooking, eating and cleaning in between cosseting my cats! At least at the office I'm FORCED to make full use of available time before I clocked off for the day.

I do miss home a little, especially the cats... But this is definitely better. I can earn a living, and face it, the four idiots can entertain themselves while mummy goes to earn money for their food. They have been eating SO much lately! We've opened the 3rd bag of food already in 3 weeks... Plus I spent quite a lot for their fresh fish this month. At least they're healthy and happy, I really can't stand it if they're not well.

Have been missing prayers, and right now, the only way I can push myself is by reminding me that I had been given extra time to collect 'bekalan akhirat'. I think the Big Boss gave me a scare to remind me that my supplies have been sorely lacking! And at the same time He answered my fervent prayers to 'please cure this irritating cough'. God really works in mysterious ways :P

Some colleagues have been avoiding me although I have been cleared as non-infectious. Am just shrugging it away. They'll come around. I won't come and endanger people if I knew I was still a threat. Some have been quite welcoming, which is nice. I'd hate to be hated. I hope I can somehow get my act together soon, I'd like to excel and choose where I go instead of being kicked around. Life would be better if I wasn't so hopeless all the time! Hwaiting!!

Time Time Time...

It's already 1.30 p.m. What have I done today? Well, at least the dishes are done.... Have made breakfast, watched My Kitchen Rules, now catching CSI... Need to pick up a few things from Tesco and maybe make a quick stop at Segi Fresh to get some backup fish for the cats. The poor things have had to deal with cheap canned grub and dry food the past week. Pikachu is looking a little more lively today, so I hope I won't have to worry about a vet.

Been totally useless trying to work, will HAVE to ask for help if I don't want to get kicked out the moment I pop in. I should hang on for another six months so that I can clear my car and credit card debts. I'll be lucky if I can survive another year. It looks pretty bleak right now. Haven't done anything right and so much wrong...

Thank God we're safely installed in our new apartment and not in that irritating place anymore. My costs have not gone down much because of the higher electricity and Unifi bills. I still need to worry about stuff, and work is a major headache right now. I can't concentrate, I fall asleep and I have no idea what to write. Am slowly easing back into reality and I HOPE I can get back on track soon. Only God can save me now and being consistent with prayers is already a challenge. Save me from myself, please...

Feeling toxic

Found out recently that a few of my colleagues had latent infections... Man, that sucks big time! I don't know how I can show my face at the office now. It's one thing for me to struggle with a disease, but passing it on is not something I ever want to do. Have messaged my apologies (doubt they'll want to take my calls) and so far all I've got is stony silence. If I was Japanese I'd have to commit harakiri for bringing disease to my workplace... As it is, I'm sorely tempted to leave. I don't have much heart to soldier on these days. I have been struggling to balance work and my pathetic life for so long, and all I managed to get is a disease due to poor health. So many sleepless nights, stressful days and fruitless hours of work. Maybe I'll be better off sorting shelves at the neighbourhood supermarket instead of trying to be a white collar worker who doesn't know head or tail of what she is supposed to do.

It's past midday and I'm still bellyaching instead of doing real work. Spent hours changing the sheets, sweeping, mopping and cleaning the loo before I even entered the study. At least I've sorted out the pile of junk. Should take out the trash and check my mailbox before eating lunch. Think I'll do some tagine and couscous today. Then I really must get back to work. Even if I don't want to... I need plan B :( 

Neverending story...

Awakened a leetle bit earlier today, about 6.30 a.m. Still managed to miss subuh, dragged myself out of bed at 7.25 for late prayers. Ventured out to eat my meds by eight. Washed the dishes, cleaned the washing area, soaked some odds and ends, put away the dry clothes, took out the shrimp for lunch... By 9.30 decided to just have cereal for breakfast. Did that while watching TV, then peeled a bunch of garlic so I'll save time later. Swept the whole house and then washed the odds and ends. In the meantime packed up my trash and changed all the bin liners. Booted up the computer and looked through the emails. Will have to work today. Sigh.

In the end decided to mop later, just mopped the horrendously dirty cat eating area first. I'll sweep my rooms later today and mop everything, redo the cat area + kitchen. It's so filthy it deserves 2 rounds. Sigh. And I'm supposed to be on MC. Well, can't recuperate in a dirty house, and with my sister working all the time, who else is there to do it? Unfortunately it feels like I'm cooking and cleaning all the time these days, with very little time left over to actually work. My study is still in a mess and my expense planner has gone missing. I'm pretty sure it was in the backpack the other day, but I may be mistaken and it's sitting nicely in my tray at the office. I'm not keen on going to the office with so much work undone, unless it's on the way to some other place.

The meds are a little less disgusting now, and yesterday managed to eat quite a lot. Am worried about blood sugar, of course, but couldn't check this morning because I've run out of alcohol swabs. Did get around to calling Sharmila yesterday and told her about my predicament. Got a little irritated at times because she was talking more than listening, but it did make me feel better to talk to a friend. Amazing how people you thought were friends could cease to be so and others somehow manage to replace them...

Anyway, Malaysia  was in the Thomas Cup finals last night. It was a very close fight. LCW won, then the first doubles and Chong Wei Feng lost. The second doubles miraculously fought back and won. Liew Daren put up a valiant fight but lost in the end. So the Thomas Cup got a new home in Japan now... I was proud to see the Malaysian team put up such a superb fight despite being miles behind in ranking to their opponents. It was good to see all Malaysians from all races supporting our boys. We need that you know, we need each other - MCIS - Melayu Cina India Serani....

I hate the way the political upheaval is creating havoc, but deep down, I know things MUST change for the better. We can't live in false utopia forever. Cronyism, politicking, bribery... it's not sustainable. But other races have to work together too. You can't expect everyone to give you equal opportunities when YOU also practise racism and only give opportunities to your own clan. Oh you know who you are! So everyone becomes overprotective of "their own" and everything becomes segregated. I believe we can and should learn from each other, work together and we can make Malaysia great.

I hope BAM gets its act together, stop the nonsense going on in there and start producing winners again. If sports is a good unifier, badminton and soccer are our keys to Malaysian unification. Next time lah. Go Malaysia!!

Mira Nair's Kama Sutra: A Tale of an Idiot

Somehow clicked on a link and ended up watching this old movie again. The last time I watched it I was still with WWF, maybe. That was a very long time ago...

I can't remember why I liked it the first time around. Maybe because it had those erotic scenes and they spoke English and not your typical Indian movie...

But now, I noticed that many facts were mixed up and obviously the girl, supposedly the 'heroine', was pretty stupid.

The 'king' was called Shah, suggesting it was during the Mughal empire, and Islamic, but their rituals and temples were decidedly Hindu. I suppose all of them had 'harems' and concubines or mistresses, whatever, so it didn't much matter what religion they were.

Now, this girl, Maya. She slept with the king on his wedding night to spite her princess 'friend' Tara who had insulted her. So she was found out and got kicked out of the castle. She slept at the temple and soon met Jain Kumar the sculptor and they fell in love. He took her to a Kama Sutra/ concubine school where the lady took her in as a 'daughter'. Soon she was 'ready' to have sex with Kumar. Then Kumar freaks out because it was too intense. So what did she do? Instead of trying to understand, she went and asked to be made a concubine. Because she was damn hot, it wasn't long before she was found by scouts and taken to the king.

Tara was 'queen', but completely ignored by her wayward husband. Seeing her old friend Maya as the latest concubine makes her nuts. Her brother saw this and didn't like the way the king was treating her.

Now the king discovers Kumar and makes him his friend. And he asks the sculptor to make Maya his model. Now the 2 lovers are reunited and the sculptor finds his way into the harem while the king was too busy smoking opium. Until one day they were discovered. So Mr Kumar was taken away and chained to the rocks. Maya tries to bargain for his freedom but fails. Boyfriend was executed.

In the meantime, the queen's old, hunchback brother had told the Shah about the idiot king's debauchery. So on the same day, he got the severed head of his prime minister, and the castle was attacked. Maya ran off.

Now, had Maya just been a bit smarter and a little more principled, as opposed to easy, there wouldn't be much of a tale, but it would make a lot more sense. Fine, if she slept with the idiot king that first time and got kicked out, then she would have the opportunity to meet Kumar. But after that, once he freaked out, she could have waited it out and got back together with him. Yang kau bodoh pergi jadi concubine tu sapa suruh? Yang makcik tu pun pergi galakkan dia apasal? Bodoh piang punya perempuan. Who are you trying to get back at?? Once dah jadi concubine, dah tak boleh balik dengan Kumar. Last2 tak pasal mamat tu mati. Hang pi bawak diri...

The story doesn't deserve the moniker "A Tale of Love". It's a tale of bad choices and idiocy. Haha... review made like 10 years after the story came out. But it shows that our views can change. Whatever. New review - very lame story. 2 thumbs down.

Lonely and Insanity

These days it feels like I'm going crazy... Sitting at home alone all day with no one to talk to gets a little lonely. I'm supposed to finish some work but all I'm doing is lolling around here and there. I don't want to clean house and I can't get my work done. So what good am I? I feel like my life has been one stupid prolonged joke. No one cares, even my dad cares more about his stupid politics these days. I used to have friends, I wonder where they are now.

Most days I'm just tired, too tired to work, too tired to do stuff, too tired to take care of myself. Don't people usually have someone to care for them when they're sick? I cook my own food, clean my own mess... It's just depressing.

Today I managed to eat a little more than usual.I'm just worried my blood sugar would shoot up. Maybe I'll have some yoghurt later. I don't know how I'm going to get any work done... I managed to get the proceedings done in record time, but there's no headway yet with the newsletter. And there's the IMP which I have not touched since before the April meeting.. Ugh... Sometimes I feel that I don't deserve my salary, but what am one to do? I do try to work, success is a little more elusive.

Sometimes I dream of running away. Go to an English countryside, work in a sheep farm somewhere, do absolutely menial labour for a month or two... I dunno... I have been a spectacular failure at so called executive work so far, I wonder if it would be possible to change careers now. Do something else, do something I'm actually good at. I get so tired of forcing myself to work, so tired of struggling to get work done. I'm not stupid, and I'm not lazy, per se. I'm just not doing something that I'm good at. I'm sick of being a failure, a loser. I want to shine, I want to excel, I want to be loved! If only I knew how :( 

Struggles

Among the many things that have happened over the years, this is probably the most difficult to face. I kind of expected to develop diabetes, being a diabetic baby and my mother's health history. Struggling at work is something I just fight over and over and over again. My inability to do anything right is something of a challenge, but still, I keep trying. I'm useless with men, and even women I don't always understand.

Perhaps, the only thing I never had much trouble doing was eating. Yeah, that's right, eating. I love food. I like to eat, I like to cook, I like exploring... Even with dietary restrictions I normally had little trouble finding something I wanted to eat. Until recently when I started getting a bit 'picky' about my food. I thought it was just ageing. I was gassy, and bloated and often I gave up eating halfway through my portion. Food was often too sweet or salty or something.

Until shit hit the fan....

I had a cough that didn't want to go away, even after numerous visits to the doctor. I changed my old pillows and cleaned my room thoroughly, but still I coughed. There was an ear infection, and sore throat, gas... It was too cold, the air was dry...so many problems. I saw through photos that I was suffering. My hair was crap, I had itchy skin, I was wasting away. And I thought it was stress. I was way behind at work, my boss was unhappy, I pushed but just couldn't catch up. And one day the coughing wouldn't stop and I coughed up blood....

I was sent to UH and all I could think of was, please don't let it be TB. But it was. And thus started my life as a TB patient. I suppose I should be thankful that through technology, I only have to take four tablets of one medication a day. My sister had to take 12 (or so she said...) But even that one pill creates havoc with one's system. I was given something to improve my appetite. which has not worked very well, actually. And other pills to counter the side effects. Combine this with my diabetes medication, it is a pretty big medley of drugs to deal with every day.

Now I pray that I will be able to keep down my food. Finishing a whole plate is a minor achievement. Breakfast and lunch is a little bit easier to handle. Dinner is often a challenge. Food that was fine in the day became inedible at night. Even light spices makes food unpalatable. I have to tempt my appetite with variety. There is so much unfinished food in the fridge and so much end up in the bin. I force myself to eat yoghurt to aid digestion. And it has to be plain, not sweetened or my blood sugar would shoot up. Seriously, eating is a real challenge these days. Sometimes I long for the good old days when I would eat plate after plate of food and not even think of not finishing up. Of course it does no good for my weight and size, but to actually suffer for nutrition this way? It's not much fun.

So far the only thing that I don't have much trouble eating is fruits. But fruits are laden with sugar, so I really need to watch my portions. I don't know... Sometimes I feel like I'm having a battle with my body. And life is not so great these days either. Everyone has moved on, and I feel increasingly alone. But I don't have much interest in men anymore either. Most guys would prefer younger, non-problematic women to boring old me. So why bother getting excited about them? It's not like any of them are excited about me...

The past months I was super excited about getting the new house ready and moving in. I do love the new place and I think the cats do too. And now this has to happen. Well logically the problem started since last year, so it has nothing to do with the new house. But now, my study table is still a mess. I haven't finished putting away my stuff. So I'm working on my trusty side table. My boss wants 2 pieces of work done by tomorrow afternoon; putting to the test my 'promise' to catch up with work from home. It's a bit hot tonight, so I think I'll move to my room. I was supposed to go to the hospital with my sister tomorrow, and face it, I have not even looked at the work I'm supposed to be handing in...

I'm planning to do it right after I finish whining, so.... Wish me luck, guys.

Reality bites

We are often tempted to push our boundaries just that little bit more, and I'm no exception. Have been a diabetic for a few years now, and have always thought I could handle a 'little bit' of sugar as long as I take my meds regularly.

The truth is, I'm just pushing my body beyond its limits and at some point, things are going to go south. Have been coughing like a dodo for the past year, it seems, plus various minor ailments and health problems. Last week, I finally decided to ban added sugars from my diet. I have not done it religiously, I still take my kopi O ais kurang manis in the mornings, but I have stopped adding sugar to my drinks. With the exception of the Luyang Dilaw which already has sugar in it. I know I should just make air kunyit from scratch, but the instant mix helps when I am away from my kitchen.

The result - slight improvement in my ear infection and coughing. I still feel bleargh in the evenings, though and I definitely should go to the doctor tonight. Mobility was a little hampered this week because Mr Mac was sent for repainting. Have got him back today, so I think I will go to the clinic lah.

Found something about alkalising your body and stuff, so am starting to take cups of lime water daily. Hopefully it will help me control blood sugar and get back on track. Desperately need exercise too, lack of it is affecting my life. I actually LOOK ugly and bedraggled :( Ugh.

Truth is, maybe the drugs help a little with sugar control, but I still have to cut out the sugars and carbs to help my body cope with the workload. Extra sugar = extra work, and I guess at this point, my body is at its limit already. So will continue reducing the load, and hope it works. :) 

Operation Rehome - phailwhale

The next time I get a harebrained idea like bringing up a stray cat, someone shoot me first. Please.

Brought Abu up just now, with the idea of cleaning him and fattening him up to prepare for adoption. Phailwhale, big time.

As expected, Pikachu threw a hissy fit. I kept Abu in the cage in my room to keep him safe. the moment I opened the door to take him to the loo, he freaked out and shat all over my freshly cleaned floor. Ee yew.
Left him in the toilet/drying area where the kitty litter is while I went to clean up the mess. Door was a bit sticky because we never shut it for almost 4 years.

Cleaned up and somehow coaxed Pikachu to sit in the other cage quietly. Came back to the  loo and door was properly jammed up. tried to twist the knob to no avail. Great. leave it? Not an option. We need the one and only house toilet, kay... Decided to take drastic measure and terajang-ed the door. Wonder of wonders - it flew open. thank God for having lousy locks.

Unfortunately, it startled Abu and I found him on top of the drying area grille. May I remind you that I live on the 10th floor. Oh joy... Deja vu to Nemo episode. Nasib baik, after some coaxing + brute force + prayers to God Almighty, I managed to bring him safely inside. But not before I got peed on and smeared with watery shit. Of course. What did you expect?

In the end, stuffed him back into the cage and returned him to the 'wilds' of the parking lot. Sorry for the trauma, Abu. I'll just feed you more often from now on, all right? Maybe I should supply food for him with the shops downstairs. I DO want to move from here ASAP...

Recalculating....

Since everything delayed, I finally had to make a decision yesterday. There's no way I could get the money AND do renovations in time for CNY, and it would be too messy to move everything to Jasmin, then expect the contractors to do their work. After twisting and turning so many ways, I finally told Ammar the flooring guy that I'm postponing the floor works until after the other contractors are done. Sayang, kan floor baru...

Contractors can do the grille and plumbing dulu, so I'll korek my salary and/or reserves for money to do that. Painting can go on as usual. Insyaa Allah electricity will kick in by this week. Have extended rent in Permai by a month, so we have a little more time to get sorted and pack our stuff. If I can scrounge up some extra can do the bathroom and tiling too. Tapi mirror, shelves, water heater etc x beli lagi... Bleh. kenot, kenot.

If EPF money comes in early, I should get the wiring, lighting and fans sorted out before we move in. Buy aircon and have it installed before the flooring work starts. Same time as awning. Less messy that way, hopefully. Have not decided on the lighting and fans... is it possible to move the fan from the dining hall to the living area, I wonder. We could use floor lighting for the hall... Downlights? Pretty expensive I think.. No idea how much it would cost to do wiring and fixing the lights etc.

Should start buying furniture once the floors are done and moving the light stuff pelan2 so that the movers don't die going up and down the stairs all day carrying things. Am taking 2 of Ni Yan's mattresses -one for K Ayu and the other for the spare bed.

Had some ideas about the guest bed today (hence my lack of productivity at work) :-P Figured I could use 2 Billy book cases, one 80 cm wide, the other 40 cm and connect them together to hold the super single mattress (approx. 110 cm wide). The extra space can hold pillows and blankets. Can use one of the side boards and shelves for attaching to the floor and wall. Use hinges for moving the bed up and down. Probably can use wall uprights and drawer handle combo to hold the bed in place. If it rests neatly on the base, it should not put any strain on the wall apparatus. Theoretically.  Still need to figure some things out and get the boys' input for this. May need to reinforce the bottom with timber strips or something since the backside of the book case is not very strong. If all goes well, it should stand neatly up in the study and fit in with the rest of the book cases.

Feel a little more relaxed after postponing everything, since most of the problems are beyond my control. I won't be able to control LHDN  or EPF, so the best I can do is to go with the flow and postpone la. What to do? There's still about a million things I'll need to do myself, like paint doors and buy/ assemble furniture and move things, so might as well take it easy instead of driving myself nuts worrying about things that simply cannot be done. Had a good whining session with Zainab last night and malam ni makan w Shamila, insyaa Allah. Hope that this is the last of the insanity, and things will proceed smoothly afterwards. Aameen...

Bikin Kepala Jadi Pusing!!

It's almost the middle of January and I still haven't got electricity supply in the Jasmin apartment. Ah Fatt said he'd get my form on Friday but apparently didn't. He was going to pay deposit to Tenaga tomorrow - which is a public holiday... Jeez! Cakapla betul2 kalau tak ada duit deposit. If I didn't text him this morning entah bila dia nak buat karang.

Thankful I have a little bit more resources on hand, even though budget is pretty tight. After a long time, I actually have to really consider my available cash before spending on expensive meals or even go climbing! Managed to get toilets and sink at a reasonable price, although it's actually cheaper in Subang. Takpelah, as long as it's not horribly much more expensive.

Right now my dilemma is how to get the contractors to start work when I don't have enough cash to pay deposit. The stamping of DoA has been delayed, meaning application to EPF is also delayed. And now I'm fearful in case we won't be allowed to withdraw our savings as reimbursement.

I can paint the walls and doors slowly, but i really need work on the awning, grilles and plumbing to start already. I really want to move out by the end of the month, I don't want to extend rental at Permai anymore. Enough is enough, OK? I'm sick and tired of the place.

Renovations will take at least 2 weeks. Abah is really sticky with his fucking money. Kasi kat berok dia boleh, dengan anak berkira la sangat. Am so pissed off with his attitude! All the money dia bolot, tak kaya jugak. heh.

Just need to buy tiles, then work can start. As soon as I find money to pay deposit. Sigh. Money. Why does everything have to be so damned LEMBAB???

A Touch of Reality

After months of dreaming, hoping, praying, fighting, we finally got the keys to our little apartment. I was SO overjoyed. Who wouldn't be, right?

Luckily, I already learnt my lesson on being overly optimistic, so I set my moving date very late - the end of January 2014, extending the rental in Permai for another month. I suppose this is prudent. we were lucky to get water supply quite promptly, so things like cleaning and painting could commence. I took a week off work to sort things out and it turned out to be a pretty full week with various contractors coming and going.

Electricity, on the other hand, wasn't so easy. TNB required an inspection since the supply had been cut off for more than six months and it turned out the cost of said inspection was NOT cheap. Quite a bummer, really. After asking more than six contractors, I caved in to the one who showed up and matched my lowest offer. I had to, it's quite difficult to get things done sans electricity these days. All the contractors needed it, I needed it. At the moment I can't stay beyond maghrib because it's too dark to do anything. Thank God the unit has good cross ventilation and we are quite comfy working without fans.

Painting is progressing rather slowly because I discovered there are many things I never considered like covering hairline cracks and using masking tape before painting. And for the deep red i was using, there are certain rules i needed to follow to ensure a nice, even coat of paint. Oh well, you live and learn. Work has been much interrupted with the arrival of various contractors and a meeting in the office. Thank goodness Zu came to help today, enjoyed the company too.

The most challenging bit for me are the  grilles, especially the windows. For the study, I could not see what I was doing. Climbing out a 3rd floor window is rather dangerous, especially without safety gear. This morning could not resist the temptation to paint my room grilles due to the visibly bad rusting on it. Managed to do a fair bit, but could not do the inside of the right panel since the window panel was been locked in place. Have bought a set of spanners and planning to see if I could remove the damn thing tomorrow. It would be pretty easy to paint if it was sitting inside the room instead of outside a 3rd floor window!! I hate shoddy work but it's quite hard to do something with the challenges I'm facing.

So far have only met one neighbour by the name of Chung, on my immediate right. He warned us of multiple break in cases in the area. Right, use 2 locks, one not enough.

Waiting for uncle to tell me when he can redo my front grille - we want it fused into one panel and he said it could be done for about a hundred ringgit.

Am low on cash, though, after paying for car repairs and buying various supplies... Have asked for an advance from Abah but he hasn't done it so far :( Have not paid the cleaners because I didn't realise it was already the final weekend in December and I'll need to pay the electrician for applying to TNB. Will be back at work next week, which means I won't have any time to work on the apartment unless we have electricity so that I can do stuff at night... Sigh. abang hasn't come back with the adjudication thing, so cannot send form to KWSP to process. Have not yet bought hall colour, still looking at options but balking at buying cheapo paint. Hey, gimme a break OK, I want a nice place for a change! Will need money to engage contractors and stuff.

Oh well, at least we can have people quoting and start working on stuff already. Painting half a room is much better than just stressing about it, right? Hope electricity gets sorted soon. Will SO not want to go back to Permai if I can stay in Jasmin :)