Among the many things that have happened over the years, this is probably the most difficult to face. I kind of expected to develop diabetes, being a diabetic baby and my mother's health history. Struggling at work is something I just fight over and over and over again. My inability to do anything right is something of a challenge, but still, I keep trying. I'm useless with men, and even women I don't always understand.
Perhaps, the only thing I never had much trouble doing was eating. Yeah, that's right, eating. I love food. I like to eat, I like to cook, I like exploring... Even with dietary restrictions I normally had little trouble finding something I wanted to eat. Until recently when I started getting a bit 'picky' about my food. I thought it was just ageing. I was gassy, and bloated and often I gave up eating halfway through my portion. Food was often too sweet or salty or something.
Until shit hit the fan....
I had a cough that didn't want to go away, even after numerous visits to the doctor. I changed my old pillows and cleaned my room thoroughly, but still I coughed. There was an ear infection, and sore throat, gas... It was too cold, the air was dry...so many problems. I saw through photos that I was suffering. My hair was crap, I had itchy skin, I was wasting away. And I thought it was stress. I was way behind at work, my boss was unhappy, I pushed but just couldn't catch up. And one day the coughing wouldn't stop and I coughed up blood....
I was sent to UH and all I could think of was, please don't let it be TB. But it was. And thus started my life as a TB patient. I suppose I should be thankful that through technology, I only have to take four tablets of one medication a day. My sister had to take 12 (or so she said...) But even that one pill creates havoc with one's system. I was given something to improve my appetite. which has not worked very well, actually. And other pills to counter the side effects. Combine this with my diabetes medication, it is a pretty big medley of drugs to deal with every day.
Now I pray that I will be able to keep down my food. Finishing a whole plate is a minor achievement. Breakfast and lunch is a little bit easier to handle. Dinner is often a challenge. Food that was fine in the day became inedible at night. Even light spices makes food unpalatable. I have to tempt my appetite with variety. There is so much unfinished food in the fridge and so much end up in the bin. I force myself to eat yoghurt to aid digestion. And it has to be plain, not sweetened or my blood sugar would shoot up. Seriously, eating is a real challenge these days. Sometimes I long for the good old days when I would eat plate after plate of food and not even think of not finishing up. Of course it does no good for my weight and size, but to actually suffer for nutrition this way? It's not much fun.
So far the only thing that I don't have much trouble eating is fruits. But fruits are laden with sugar, so I really need to watch my portions. I don't know... Sometimes I feel like I'm having a battle with my body. And life is not so great these days either. Everyone has moved on, and I feel increasingly alone. But I don't have much interest in men anymore either. Most guys would prefer younger, non-problematic women to boring old me. So why bother getting excited about them? It's not like any of them are excited about me...
The past months I was super excited about getting the new house ready and moving in. I do love the new place and I think the cats do too. And now this has to happen. Well logically the problem started since last year, so it has nothing to do with the new house. But now, my study table is still a mess. I haven't finished putting away my stuff. So I'm working on my trusty side table. My boss wants 2 pieces of work done by tomorrow afternoon; putting to the test my 'promise' to catch up with work from home. It's a bit hot tonight, so I think I'll move to my room. I was supposed to go to the hospital with my sister tomorrow, and face it, I have not even looked at the work I'm supposed to be handing in...
I'm planning to do it right after I finish whining, so.... Wish me luck, guys.
Perhaps, the only thing I never had much trouble doing was eating. Yeah, that's right, eating. I love food. I like to eat, I like to cook, I like exploring... Even with dietary restrictions I normally had little trouble finding something I wanted to eat. Until recently when I started getting a bit 'picky' about my food. I thought it was just ageing. I was gassy, and bloated and often I gave up eating halfway through my portion. Food was often too sweet or salty or something.
Until shit hit the fan....
I had a cough that didn't want to go away, even after numerous visits to the doctor. I changed my old pillows and cleaned my room thoroughly, but still I coughed. There was an ear infection, and sore throat, gas... It was too cold, the air was dry...so many problems. I saw through photos that I was suffering. My hair was crap, I had itchy skin, I was wasting away. And I thought it was stress. I was way behind at work, my boss was unhappy, I pushed but just couldn't catch up. And one day the coughing wouldn't stop and I coughed up blood....
I was sent to UH and all I could think of was, please don't let it be TB. But it was. And thus started my life as a TB patient. I suppose I should be thankful that through technology, I only have to take four tablets of one medication a day. My sister had to take 12 (or so she said...) But even that one pill creates havoc with one's system. I was given something to improve my appetite. which has not worked very well, actually. And other pills to counter the side effects. Combine this with my diabetes medication, it is a pretty big medley of drugs to deal with every day.
Now I pray that I will be able to keep down my food. Finishing a whole plate is a minor achievement. Breakfast and lunch is a little bit easier to handle. Dinner is often a challenge. Food that was fine in the day became inedible at night. Even light spices makes food unpalatable. I have to tempt my appetite with variety. There is so much unfinished food in the fridge and so much end up in the bin. I force myself to eat yoghurt to aid digestion. And it has to be plain, not sweetened or my blood sugar would shoot up. Seriously, eating is a real challenge these days. Sometimes I long for the good old days when I would eat plate after plate of food and not even think of not finishing up. Of course it does no good for my weight and size, but to actually suffer for nutrition this way? It's not much fun.
So far the only thing that I don't have much trouble eating is fruits. But fruits are laden with sugar, so I really need to watch my portions. I don't know... Sometimes I feel like I'm having a battle with my body. And life is not so great these days either. Everyone has moved on, and I feel increasingly alone. But I don't have much interest in men anymore either. Most guys would prefer younger, non-problematic women to boring old me. So why bother getting excited about them? It's not like any of them are excited about me...
The past months I was super excited about getting the new house ready and moving in. I do love the new place and I think the cats do too. And now this has to happen. Well logically the problem started since last year, so it has nothing to do with the new house. But now, my study table is still a mess. I haven't finished putting away my stuff. So I'm working on my trusty side table. My boss wants 2 pieces of work done by tomorrow afternoon; putting to the test my 'promise' to catch up with work from home. It's a bit hot tonight, so I think I'll move to my room. I was supposed to go to the hospital with my sister tomorrow, and face it, I have not even looked at the work I'm supposed to be handing in...
I'm planning to do it right after I finish whining, so.... Wish me luck, guys.
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