These days it feels like I'm going crazy... Sitting at home alone all day with no one to talk to gets a little lonely. I'm supposed to finish some work but all I'm doing is lolling around here and there. I don't want to clean house and I can't get my work done. So what good am I? I feel like my life has been one stupid prolonged joke. No one cares, even my dad cares more about his stupid politics these days. I used to have friends, I wonder where they are now.
Most days I'm just tired, too tired to work, too tired to do stuff, too tired to take care of myself. Don't people usually have someone to care for them when they're sick? I cook my own food, clean my own mess... It's just depressing.
Today I managed to eat a little more than usual.I'm just worried my blood sugar would shoot up. Maybe I'll have some yoghurt later. I don't know how I'm going to get any work done... I managed to get the proceedings done in record time, but there's no headway yet with the newsletter. And there's the IMP which I have not touched since before the April meeting.. Ugh... Sometimes I feel that I don't deserve my salary, but what am one to do? I do try to work, success is a little more elusive.
Sometimes I dream of running away. Go to an English countryside, work in a sheep farm somewhere, do absolutely menial labour for a month or two... I dunno... I have been a spectacular failure at so called executive work so far, I wonder if it would be possible to change careers now. Do something else, do something I'm actually good at. I get so tired of forcing myself to work, so tired of struggling to get work done. I'm not stupid, and I'm not lazy, per se. I'm just not doing something that I'm good at. I'm sick of being a failure, a loser. I want to shine, I want to excel, I want to be loved! If only I knew how :(
Most days I'm just tired, too tired to work, too tired to do stuff, too tired to take care of myself. Don't people usually have someone to care for them when they're sick? I cook my own food, clean my own mess... It's just depressing.
Today I managed to eat a little more than usual.I'm just worried my blood sugar would shoot up. Maybe I'll have some yoghurt later. I don't know how I'm going to get any work done... I managed to get the proceedings done in record time, but there's no headway yet with the newsletter. And there's the IMP which I have not touched since before the April meeting.. Ugh... Sometimes I feel that I don't deserve my salary, but what am one to do? I do try to work, success is a little more elusive.
Sometimes I dream of running away. Go to an English countryside, work in a sheep farm somewhere, do absolutely menial labour for a month or two... I dunno... I have been a spectacular failure at so called executive work so far, I wonder if it would be possible to change careers now. Do something else, do something I'm actually good at. I get so tired of forcing myself to work, so tired of struggling to get work done. I'm not stupid, and I'm not lazy, per se. I'm just not doing something that I'm good at. I'm sick of being a failure, a loser. I want to shine, I want to excel, I want to be loved! If only I knew how :(
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