Had to go back to BP the other day. After the necessary, went back to kampung to pay my respects to Mak Ngah. Had my computer with me, so that I could work there. Figured I'd borrow a land line somewhere to check my email the next day.
Once in the kampung, I resorted to borrowed clothes, since I only brought a baju kelawar and a tee for the ride home. It was really strange to wear kain batik and baju kurung again. As the day went by, I found more and more things I missed about being home. The house layout shut out the sun, so we needed to switch on lights all day long. There wasn't enough fresh air. Sometimes a pong came from outside. I missed my 2 healthy cats instead of the sickly specimens loitering in the area. I wanted my regular nasi lemak instead of sukun goreng. I even missed my minimalist loo without hot water! I couldn't find the washing powder, or any shower foam. I bathed using a sliver of hotel soap, which I don't really like. Of course I missed my regular internet connection. I mistook garam halus for gula and had a hard time readjusting my sambal tumis. Wanted to buy food for the house but didn't even know where the shops were anymore. In the end, I took a mega long siesta after lunch and decided to catch up with work over the weekend, at home.
When I was a kid, I LOVED being back in the kampung. The old furniture was all there; but they didn't work for me anymore. The old dressing table mirror now comes up to my chest; I have to stoop to look at my face. I had to rummage through numerous cupboards for something wearable. The old ranjang (metal four-poster bed) has shrunk and I had trouble getting to sleep that night. The smells and feel had all changed. I didn't belong there anymore.
I was glad when Saturday came and I could leave. Mak Ngah had to go to Melaka for a hantar tanda thingy that morning, so I hopped into my cousin's car to get to town and catch my bus. Bas tu pulak selow giler... Dari sana 11.30. pukul empat baru sampai KL. I was too tired to do the train thing. Just hailed a cab and headed straight home.
Guess I'd changed too much to ever go back to being a kampung girl. It's not so much the amenities. I can reorganise everything if I wanted to. I'm glad I stopped by to see Mak Ngah and spent time with her. It's just that I have a completely different life now. I have my own pad, I organise my own kitchen. I run the whole house, work, everything. I don't like staying over at anyone's place, even Abang's. I'd rather drive home in the middle of the night to my own bed. I think the word here is tak kerasan. It means something like not feeling a sense of belonging. I've always been a homebody. Guess now that I'm older, home really is where the heart is.
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