Warning: D*** long article, fished out of my Article bin
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Can infidelity be justified?
The Chinese society had previously developed a tolerance for infidelity, allowing for mistresses and multiple wives, as do the Muslim religion. Could it be that the desire for multiple partners be something of a predisposition among men? After all, mistresses appear in all cultures across the globe.
Kings in China had many hundreds, even thousands of concubines. Before the ‘four wives only’ rule came up, Arab men had as many as ten wives at a time.
However, bear in mind that at that time, the women in question do not require so much emotional commitment as compared to protection, food and shelter. Men married them to ensure their well being. Some are political alliances between warring neighbours. Feelings such as love was a luxury they could ill afford, what more demands for total faithfulness from their husband. Jealousy was guarded and they kept their peace out of necessity.
What makes a major difference is that now most people marry for love, not convenience or need. And the notion of romantic love has become so widespread that everyone expects ‘true love’ to forever remain among the couple.
Rich and powerful men are commonly known to indulge in mistresses and multiple wives. Perhaps power makes them hungrier for high level entertainment. They also can afford it, and many women purposely hunt them, in order to secure a more comfortable life. Is it very wrong, if they can truly afford the luxury? But at what cost to their family’s happiness and stability?
I have only recently read the term “emotional infidelity” where no physical act was involved, but much of the emotional state was, to the point of ignoring responsibilities to the long-distance wife and son, causing much stress and eventually, death.
There are times when affairs are started for no apparent reason, other than mutual attraction, untempered by morality. Some argue that it’s the ultimate bonding of soulmates, like Annie and Tom in “The Horse Whisperer” and also in “The Bridges of Madison County”.
Often, it is started by an unscrupulous third party, such as the sizzlingly sexy Frenchman in “Unfaithful”. There are men who for no other reason than sheer greed and lust, lie to women in order to gain their sympathy. They will say anything, that they he is divorced, or separated, or even single, so that he can get what he wishes…Even worse, his many wives work to support him instead of the other way round! There are women too, who will do anything for the men they want, be it respectable or no, to fulfil their desires, regardless of other people’s feelings…
Yet I know a few people who were the ‘other woman’, knowingly or not, and they are perfectly normal, very nice, religious people. Of course they did not go for the “forbidden fruit”, but they were, undoubtedly, the third party.
There are cases where a second wife was recruited in cases where wives were unable to bear children, or where they are ill and thus unable to take care of the families’ needs.
The most common problem is that the husband or wife feels that there was a lack of common ground in belief and compatibility, causing them to latch on to someone else that appears to fill the void. Thus, they begin an ‘illegal’ love affair, be it sexual or not, to fill in this unfulfilled need… This appears to be the most popular ‘reason’ put forward. They can be valid, or they can be as lame as (Gubra) Arif’s “You were away so much, I was lonely”. One colleague actually voted for “My wife/ husband doesn’t understand me” as the most popular excuse.
Take the example of a friend who divorced his wife for a younger girl. I can’t say I approve of his actions; neither can I disapprove, as I knew neither the ex-wife, nor the ex-girlfriend. But as a professional and a friend, I find him highly respectable. His reason was that he had long felt unhappy with his wife (apparently the ex-wife didn’t feel the same way.) Yet he tried to keep it going until he got close to a friend who he believed to be his soulmate. Only then did he break up his marriage. Was he wrong to do this? Should he have kept on trying for the sake of his children?
What about the couple who had grown apart and separated for a long time? The man found a new love but is wary about divorcing the wife, knowing that it will be very hard on her. But eventually, it needs to be done if he wants to be together with his love. His justification – better one unhappy person than 3 miserable ones…
Looking at all this, it seems that relationships, even marriages are more fluid than we would like to think. Feelings fade, circumstances change, needs change. Would it be acceptable if everyone got a fair deal at the end of the day? I don’t know. What do YOU think?
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