Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder

In one of the novels I read a long time ago, the hero fell in love with a girl visiting her sick relative in a hospital. And the feature he found most remarkable was her slightly ‘juling’ eyes… And so love goes…

In “I Like It Like That” (Claire Calman), the main character was engaged to the “perfect” man – rich, articulate and handsome. Yet she kept putting off the wedding, because she couldn't find the perfect hotel, or wallpaper, or dress... A casual friendship grew with a neighbour who had initially annoyed her – a freelance photographer trying to cope with a fledgling career and a daughter he never knew he had. Before she knew it, she realised that she loved him, chipped tooth and all. The sister who changes boyfriends like clothes also finds something real in her ‘boring’ pub owner boss. Boring perfect guy gets dropped. Hooray!

Looking at some pix, Ja commented one guy I used to like didn’t seem my type at all because he wasn’t ‘cute’. The last thing I need is to fall for some perasan guy la, cherie… As she so aptly put it, if someone loves you he/she will always find something to love about you. Guess that’s true, beauty does come from the inside out… Look at Nain’s Fiza – she’s really tembam, but she so sweet, everyone can’t help loving her!

Hm… Now, what are the odds that someone would appreciate my temper or my sarcasm? Ha ha. Maybe I’d better work on being sweet and graceful instead. Sigh. Shouldn’t you have thought of this let’s say… 15 years ago??

Quote from Bridget Jone’s Diary – "Don’t say WHAT, dear, say pardon. And listen to what your mother tells you to do" :-p

How Narcissistic Are You?

Check it out people. You may be more perasan than you know :p

http://www.true-magic.com/games/narciss.php

Nike: Just DO IT!

The trouble with going down memory lane is; you forget you’re not eighteen any more, not for a long, long time.

The recent 30 cents petrol price hike hurt BAD. From pumping RM50++ for a full tank every 1.5-2 weeks, it rose to RM70++, and my office is just “down the road”. Literally. High time we thought about alternatives, right?

Santi uses only 1 full tank a month because he takes the train to work. Let’s disregard the fact that KayEll Sentral is right at his doorstep, shall we? I have thought of riding a motorbike to work since I was in WWF, but have no B3 license. Anyway, Abah is not keen on his children riding motorbikes, too dangerous. Buses are a pain in the ass for someone who hates waiting like me. Plus, will have to walk a long long way to Uptown to catch it. Just to go 4 km down the road? Naah. Not worth the trouble. Have talked about cycling since January, but so far have been NATO about it.

Actually wanted Yaie’s vintage Raleigh, but found it had been stolen by the time I managed to balik kampung. Bought myself a cheap bike in February. It’s so cheap P won’t even condescend to look at it. Ye la… it’s no Trek 5200. A poor girl like me manalah mampu beli basikal mahal-mahal. Premium stuff is for serious enthusiasts. I can get a good pair of Nikon binoculars for RM1600, OK?

But I think I compromised a little too much on quality la. A pedal broke off and I had to replace a few accessories. Busted a back tyre jumping off a kerb. Damn. What would happen if I actually went off-roading? Edwin fixed it and now the front gears don’t change properly. Should have gotten the slightly more expensive LeRun with Shimano gears. Those never failed me before. Oh well… There’s always a first time for everything, like buying my own bike.

Took it easy the past few months, rode on weekends and after work to the bank and the nasi lemak stall, sometimes did a small circuit around BU and Tropicana. Balked at riding to work because I needed to carry my laptop and I didn’t trust my regular backpack. Eventually managed to find something at a reasonable price and have been breaking it in for a while.

Finally bit the bullet this morning. I was going to be late whether I drove or cycled. It took a huge amount of ‘je ne sais qua’, blind faith, dementia, psychosis and bullheadedness to actually do it. But do it I did. Had mentally planned my route for months, so all I had to do was execute. Went all the way across Uptown, go through underground tunnel, pedal through DJ, cross LDP at traffic light interchange and down to the office. Cool plan. Not impossible, just slightly more sweaty and tiring than stepping on the clutch and changing gears on the Satria. Slightly?? Ha ha. Understatement of the year. Nothing makes you more aware of the fact that you’re beyond thirty, overweight and out of shape than huffing and puffing up a slope. It will get better; learnt that along the way. Arrived at about the same time I would if I had driven; and there’s something magically uplifting about exercise. Will I ever do it again? We’ll see.

Am trying not to think of the journey home. I hope it doesn’t rain this evening, I have a seven o’clock in KLCC…

Ocean deep

Something from the past...
I seem to associate this with 1st year in TKC, or was it the 3rd? A little sweet, a little pathetic... it just seemed to remind me of a time long, long ago.

Love can’t you see I’m alone
Can’t you give this fool a chance
A little love is all I ask - a little kindness
In the night
Please don’t leave me behind
No - don’t tell me love is blind
A little love is all I ask and that is all

Oh love I’ve been searching so long
I’ve been searching high’n’low
A little love is all I ask - a little sadness
When you’re gone
Maybe you need a friend
Only please don’t let’s pretend
A little love is all I ask and that is all

I wanna spread my wings - but I just can’t fly
As a string of pearls and pretty girls go sailing by

Ocean deep - I’m so afraid to show my feelings
I have sailed a million ceilings - in my -
Solitary room
Ocean deep - will I ever find a lover
Maybe she has found another
And as I cry myself to sleep
I know this love of mine I’ll keep - ocean deep

Love can’t you hear when I call
Can’t you hear a word I say
A little love is all I ask
A little feeling when we touch
Why am I still alone?
I’ve got a heart without a home
A little love is all I ask - and that is all

I wanna spread my wings - but I just can’t fly
As a string of pearls and pretty girls go sailing by

Ocean deep - I’m so afraid to show my feelings
I have sailed a million ceilings - in my -
Solitary room
Ocean deep - will I ever find a lover
Maybe she has found another
And as I cry myself to sleep
I know this love of mine I’ll keep - ocean deep

I’m so lonely lonely lonely...
Maybe..

The Good Old Days…?

Then & Now

Ten years down the road, I still think my student days were the best ever. The times we spent lepaking in college, Hari Kolej, co-op, trekking, mountain climbing…

Studying was secondary. I did it after midnight almost every day. Schedule was go to classes, petang labs, come back for a nap, play, hang out and THEN study… ha ha. Being practically penniless was hardly a hardship at the time. Life was good.

I was the couldn’t-care-less, laser mouthed weirdo who wore jeans all the time and cycled all over the place. Only got a motorcycle after my bike got stolen. Me wearing baju kurung earned stares from everyone in the dining hall, I kid you not.

Even then I loved the outdoor stuff – kayaking, mountain climbing, trekking, abseiling… We climbed up Gg Nuang in the middle of the night, we rafted all the way down to KT from Kuala Berang, we drank muddy water in Hutan Lipur Lentang… While many girls did it to be with their boyfriends while actually hating the forest, I really enjoyed being with nature.

I was hopeless in sports, though I trained for softball often enough. The only thing I ever got a medal in was tarik tali. Ha ha. Silat was a fleeting interest. It took me to Jakarta, but I quit soon after – the people were a little too bloodthirsty for a peace loving greenie like me.

I did well enough in my studies; some semesters better than most. Maybe I spent a little too much time socialising, but hey, I needed to feel wanted. Joined so many things I never really cared about. Kebudayaan? Like – why?? I can’t act, I can’t sing… Did a bit of writing, and editing for the college mag. The co-op became my ‘baby’ in my 2^nd year and I spent a lot of time running it. Such is the foolishness of youth. Wish I had taken the right course, but it’s a bit too late for regrets now. I’m where I want to be. Well, sort of…

Never got very far with boys in college – clueless is my name. *Wince* The first time a guy asked me out, I was so nervous I brought a chaperone. How dorky can you get?? And one time I had tea with this dude and I got so animated I spilled my teh O ais. Ouch. Needless to say, my ‘saham’ spiralled downwards ever since. Darn. Can’t say I’m any better on that score right now; barely know what to do with myself on a date. I’m only comfortable with old friends, so I hang out with dudes who don’t mind being seen with me. But as soon as they get proper girlfriends, I’d be on my own again. Not a very sustainable way to live, actually.

Guess I’m starting to miss the days when I was actually YOUNG. When I was much less overweight, had nice, blemish free skin and no grey hair. Those were the days when my ‘brothers’ would steal rambutan for me. When I had no care other than to make sure I submitted my assignments in time and didn’t flunk any papers.

Even flight attendants call me “Puan” now. Sigh. Do I look like I have 3 kids?

Breakfast for 2...

No, I wasn't whisked away by a tall, dark & handsome stranger to a rustic wooden house on the beach (... as if I'd ever be so lucky :-p)

Had to work in KT on Saturday. After the long day is done, went for tea with Ja, Yuz & Nooreen. BTW, Yuz kirim salam to everybody, esp D3Katians. Didn't linger for too long, Yuz & Nue had to go back to Kerteh, working next day and all that. I opted to stay with Ja instead of at the hotel, so off we went to her little kampung house by the beach. Funny thing was I didn't manage to get to the beach! Next time la ya...

We chatted a bit and then I took a much needed nap. Afterwards we walked over to have dinner near KUSTEM. It was a marvellous moonlit night, and we were planning to talk a walk by the beach. But as we were chatting, I was overcome with exhaustion and we decided to call it a night. The next day both of us woke up relatively late. Ja made drinks and fried keropok for our breakfast on the anjung. Soon, we were off to check-in at the airport and a quick brunch nearby. Went back to the airport just in time for boarding. Was home by 2.15 pm. Had time to deal with clothes and stuff before going to watch a movie with the girls. It was a good weekend...

Will come again, Ja. Promise :-)

Que Sera Sera

Que Sera Sera
Whatever will be, will be.
The future's not our's to see
Que Sera Sera
What will be, will be!

Listen to your heart. It's been sung in songs and passed forth for generations and I believe that it's true.

Sometimes things just override your assumed arguments and make you realise some surprises are really for the best. You just need to go with the flow. When something is right, you'll feel it. When something's not quite right, you'll feel it too. Anything else is denial. And if you still refuse to listen, God will somehow make sure things happen according to HIS will anyway... You want scientific facts? I'd say your subconscious has picked up subtle signals that your conscious mind is trying to override in order to enforce a hidden agenda. So there!

I said I didn't want another cat after Jack was put down. But Pseudo barged his way in and stayed. Of course I couldn't turn such a darling away. That cat has got character - jealousy, protectiveness, affection... Unconditional love. He played his cards right, that one...


Recently, I took in 4 kampung cats. They were in bad shape and all except one disappeared within a week. The remaining one was a pain in the butt; there were times I really regretted taking it home in the first place. It had this baleful stare that frankly said, "I hate you", not to mention several disgusting habits which threw my house into turmoil.

3 weeks later, Leo turned up at the office, meowing for food. I took him home to feed and took him back after lunch. He waited outside until I finished work. Worried he wouldn't be fed during the weekend, I took him home. He disappeared for one day, and then came back to stay. Til today he's always been a darling. Knowing my bad record with gingers, I tried giving Leo away. Someone came forward, but had to call it off at the last minute. Guess he was meant for me, so I kept him.

In comparison, I was really tempted to get rid of the other kitten, I couldn't even bring myself to hold it, it was so filthy. But something told me to take better care of her instead of rejecting her outright. So I bathed her and applied treatment for her skin. Now she's looking much better and has improved on her habits. I figured she deserved a nice name and settled on Chiquita - girl friend after a few experiments. She and Leo has become almost like twins - one with stripes and the other without.

Now I feel that the cats' arrival were a blessing; and that cats should never be turned away without just cause. Only God knows what further treasures they will bring into your future, if you are patient and learn the lesson they had brought for your instruction. And the reward is worth much more than mere money...

Ironic

Isn’t it ironic that all creatures, animals and humans alike, at their most unlovable, only wish to be understood and accepted for what they are? (This isn’t an original line, but can’t remember where I got it from.)

A standing cobra, hood spread, ready to strike, is in all probability trying to protect her precious clutch of eggs from intruders trespassing into her territory. And isn’t it obvious why the pit viper strikes the foot that trod on its tail?

The poisonous “cat lady” is probably just tired and lonely and can’t understand why people fail to pamper their felines as she does. Ditto the henpecked retiree who spends his time at the courthouses and coming up with asinine charges against his neighbours.

It is said that children who throw tantrums and misbehave are often cured by a firm hand and lots of TLC. The kampung cat that is covered in skin disease and poos in the house is often the most affectionate of all creatures, desperate for a drop of kindness in its wretched life. As is the idiot who calls people at all hours seeking much needed human contact (unfortunately annoying people in the process).

However, a drop of compassion often goes a long way. I was in the unenviable position of being stuck alone in a dirty, stinky home, faced with a long list of things that needed to be done and no one to help. Thanks, Inas, for being there for me, and giving me the strength to start hacking away at the stupid mess and reclaim my haven…

Melancholia

Sometimes it's hard not to feel this feeling of melancholy. This feeling that you're losing out, that everything is conspiring against you. You are a boat, adrift in the vast, uncompromising sea. And that sliver of hope that had kept you sane is drifting away...

You feel unsettled, things that used to make you happy now feels otherwise. And nothing seems to feel good anymore. When you're busy, you wish you were home. When you're 'stuck' at home, you wish to be out. Chatters are just people trying to get lucky, and you don't feel like talking sometimes. Thank God the week is full, though half of it is work, at least I am spared the monotony.

I don't know, I wish things were different. I wish we had connected on a different level. I wish I was the one who belonged. But life goes on, and I know, somehow, I will carry on...

30 yrs from now?? He he he...

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