Pasrah

Aku tak tahu sama ada aku ni sabar, ataupun hati ni dah mati sebenarnya. Sudah terlalu banyak yang aku korbankan. Siang malam aku bekerja. Tapi lepas kerja dihantar, bayarannya lambaaat sangat diterima. Terlalu lama rasanya aku menunggu, hasilnya masih belum kelihatan. Betullah kata lirik lagu dulu - Penantian satu siksa yang tidak tertahan... Tidurku pun sudah terganggu dengan igauan-igauan aneh. Petanda yang pasti keadaan emosi yang tidak menentu.

Aku cuba bertanya kepada S tadi. "Payment aku dah clear ke? Bila boleh dapat?"

"Sorilah Oza. Aku baru dapat invois ni tadi. Kalau nasib baik, awal tahun depan boleh dapat."

"Takpe la. Minggu depan je tu."

"Tak tentu jugak. Bos bos cuti panjang."

Aku bungkam. Dah dua minggu aku hantar invois tu. Aku ingat, minggu ni boleh la dapat duitnya. Rupa-rupanya invois diperam oleh pembantu muda yang tidak mengerti apa-apa.

Payment job lain, jangan harap la. Entah bila aku nak dapat. Aku keletihan.

Nak kata takde job, ada. Nak kata tak lumayan, bayarannya boleh tahan. Cuma masalah cashflow yang selalu merunsingkan aku. Nak confirm job, at least seminggu. Nak buatnya, kadang-kadang makan sebulan. Lepas tu nak edit pulak lepas review. Dah submit, tunggu payment punya la lama.. Ding dong ding dong, tiga bulan jugak la untuk satu job dari awal sampai akhir. Kalau aku dah established, mungkin senang sikit kot. For now, each job is a challenge.

Nasib baik ada part-time job. Ada la jugak income. Kalau tak, tak tau la. Komputer aku dah kong ni, entah bila la nak diganti. Kucing kesayangan aku pun dah lari. Nak berhibur pergi makan2, pakcik dah balik kampung... Jadi aku diam aje la. Nak makan pun dah tak lalu. Nak mengemas takde mood. Teruk sangat aku masuk tido. Tido pun dah tak lena dah... Hmm... Sabar ajelah...

Poyoness Personified

I finally get it. I should never layan any unknown guys on Skype, because except for a decent few, the rest are just looking to waste company time and create trouble. They have no manners but expect me to layan them nicely no matter how rude THEY are. They don't care about anyone's profession, or views, or life. They just want to borak kosong.

Kenapa orang tanya "boleh berkenalan"? Nak berkenalan buat apa? (Kalau I tanya up front, I kena cop garang la pulak). But seriously, my question is, WHAT DO YOU WANT?? kalau nak borak, borak aje la. Buat apa nak berkenal-kenalan lak. Berborak tu berkenalan la. Tak ke redundant soalan tu?

Kenapa nak tanya orang dah kawin belum? Takut husband marah? Pasal apa lak nak marah kalau takde hanky panky? Ramai kawan I dah kawin. Takde lak bini dia nak marah2. Takde sebab orang nak marah kalau berkawan biasa.

One had the cheek to say "I saw your face on PausBiru."
"And..?" I ask.
"Nothing. No komen"
Huh? What? I'm ugly? I know that already. So?

If I accept someone's contact, it's to network. I like having friends. Especially ones that contribute positively to my well-being. I don't need more "friends" yang nak cari pasal...

No wonder others look down on us. At a time when people are earning their pay, Malays dok chatting on company computer, internet and time. Instead of volunteering in charity work, they go and chat up girls for no apparent reason. Saja nak gelakkan orang 'perasan'. Instead of taking an interest in a worthwhile hobby or cause, they waste time shopping or karaoke dengan "kawan". Anak bini tak ingat dah.

The majority of volunteers and committee members in MNS are non-Malays. They're busy people, they're married, but they make time for things that they believe are important. Where are the Malays? Siapa jaga street kids in Chow Kit? Christian Missionaries. Where are the Muslim groups? Is it any wonder that they convert. Salah siapa?

Yes, I have an identity crisis. I grew up Jawa and then mixed all around. I'm still Melayu, and I'm still Muslim. I pray and and no, I don't sleep with my Mat Saleh friends. I would really like to be with a decent Malay guy. I just don't think I'll meet them on Skype.

Tension, tension...

Have been attending a mega interesting workshop this past week. It's not often that I stay engaged and not lose interest in the proceedings at such dos. But my coursemates have been extremely entertaining, and the subject matter is something very close to heart. I must say I learnt lots and the trainers are real pros. Tabik spring!The only drawback is, I have 12 hours less to work in every day.

Day starts by leaving house at 7.30 in order to avoid nightmarish city crawl. I'll get to class by 8.30, and after a full day, crawl into Raja Chulan to pick up sister before crawling home. By the time we get back, will be pretty tired, but will work anyway, trying to finish this job by the week's end. Have been pulling in so many late nights over the past few weeks that I can't wait for the day that I can actually crawl into bed and read instead of conking out.

At the moment trying to be patient with extra cats until I can rehome them. Once again, idiot woman disappeared after promising to take them all in. Let me guess, husband vetoed the idea, or she plain changed her stupid mind. Idiot.

In any case, feel very tired and just dying to submit the final work already. Cheers!