I have a Theory...

In light of recent developments when my thinking facilities have been severely retarded due to unknown causes, I've been wondering - WHAT HAPPENED? Seriously. Why does one's brain simply jam up, unable to process information or churn out practical thoughts beyond the mechanical?

I remember hence that at one point i said out loud, "My brain HURTS." And it did. It hurt. I felt that it's swollen and grown too big for the skull. My head wanted to fall off.

What if... Kalau ikut drama melayu for sure got brain tumour punya lah. But what if it's a natural progression from overworking that anatomy more or less continously, with insufficient sleep, and poorly regulated blood sugar levels, causing it to physically swell up? Thus it would harden and tense, blocking blood flow to neurons and synapses and whatever else is supposed to work properly in there?

Can a doctor check on this? can they detect that my "stupefied" state was due to some kind of abnormal activity in the brain? It's possible, right? I know I was tired and stressed out, and it had been going on for ages. Furthermore, when I missed yet another deadline, I felt guilty and even more stressed and slept even less trying to sort it out, probably making the problem worse...

Does this make any sense? Wouldn't a brain need a good supply of fresh oxygenated blood to think clearly and creatively? Wouldn't it suffer from lack of nutrition/oxygen/exercise or too much bad stuff like sugar and salt? Hmm...

Oh well, am no doctor, but it sure beats the "my stepmother put a spell on me" theory!

Do you always have to play nice?

You teach people how to treat you, right? Lately have been too nice and allow people to put me off. In the end, aku jugak yang kena tembak! Man... have to reclaim my ganas side, otherwise things won't get done~!!

Omens

If you watch horror movies, there'll always be bits where small things are a precursor to weirder happenings. it's just artistic license, but it does eat at your psyche.

My stuff:
Car radio - had 'cardiac arrest' and died. TOD: 15:14. Stuck there forever
Earphone/mic set - screwed wiring. Sounds not good anymore (been using it 5 yrs no problem)
Watch - screwed clip buckle - keeps popping open
Office PC - burnt USB hub

I can't help feeling negative when bad things keep happening. And sometimes you just know that the time has come for change. I realized that superficial change could affect your insides too, and you become confused and unhappy. Some things are an integral part of your being, and being disconnected from it could result in losing your self - or your mind! I need to reconnect. Going back where I belong :)

Life is Like Climbing a Mountain

You know how it works... You're supposed to move steadily upwards until you reach your goal. However, things are easier said than done, aren't they?

Sometimes you run out of steam. Hikers lingo - pancit. Reason: no stamina, no energy, poor strategy, bad planning, bad luck

Sometimes bad things just hit you again and again, draining and kicking you in the butt and giving you a moon in the process.

The sucky thing is, it's not always possible to turn tail and run. Sometimes quitting is just as difficult as continuing. Rescue not always an option either. You'll just have to crawl your way through it.

The good news is, you'll feel good when you reach the top. What happens if you don't?

A Touch of Magic

What makes a love story great? As connoisseur of romance (read: trashy) novels and sappy stories, I'd say one key element is improbability. Like, what are the odds of the handsome English duke falling in love with an utterly 'ill-mannered' (actually she's just different) American heiress? Well, i guess it helps if both of them are drop dead gorgeous. However, there are many tales of the rich, not so handsome guy falling in love with the not-so georgeous cleaning lady who already has an illegitimate son, etc.

A lot of trashy novels make the hero filthy RICH and the lady an heiress. In many modern tales, people are less rich. But one thing i notice - the stories are more exciting if the hero is rich. Why ah? he he.. Except for Devil in Winter by Lisa Kleypas where the hero is poor. But still, he is..

BRAVE. Aha! ala.. nama pun HERO. mestilah berani. and honourable (even though he's broke). Girl also very pure hearted even though she's tomboyish/fat/ugly/clumsy etc.

lagi satu - they are always so the clever one. must be so terror like that.

Then there must be some element of magic or coincidence. Like every time, the same guy help the girl. Even though they fight all the time., they still fall in love. Magic or not?

Of course the dot dot dot must be super hot la. If not, no story.

But usually la, I find, if the girl oredy has a 'perfect' guy, then in the end he'll turn out to be the villain. Then "annoying" guy becomes beloved hero. Why? Because 'nice guy' was faking it, hero was just his normal charming/annoying self. Waahh.. so like that ah?

But really, too often I find 'charming' guys are actually charming because they practice a lot oredy. Not because they're so great. PR only... Someone pointed out that sometimes we need to argue because then we'll be able to sort out things we're not happy with. Keep quiet, we think everything ok when actually it's not.

But bottomline - happy ever after. The challenge is, how do we know that it's for real?

What's Your Tune?

Am feeling mellow and happy listening to Santana on CD. Guess I'm a rock chick, then, aren't I? I so love the rock kapak bands of the 80's, Bon Jovi and Scorpion. Fave tune: Blaze of Glory la, what else. But I draw the line at Death Metal. Too dark for me.

Yesterday was in a car of a jazz afficionado. Blech. Have to admit, their music/singing is technically nice, but the tune totally puts me off! Give me 70's Malay pop pun tak apa. I like Il Divo and such, but they also can be annoying (ikot mood le ni..) :P So what's Your poison? :D

What the...?

Had a full day outside shoot yesterday. Came back feeling feverish and tired - slightly dehydrated, I guess. Was stressed too, with rushing out early in the morning, spending all day with a myriad of crazy characters in the hot sun and occasional rain.

Was heading for the shower when I decided to open my window wider. Gave the pane a push but it was stuck. Pushed harder and the whole thing went flying down - all the way to the ground floor! I shrieked, there was nothing I could do to stop its fall. There was a bump and the inevitable crash as the glass smashed to smithereens. There is a restaurant at that corner and they often put tables outside... There were cars parked by the side of the building too... Worried that someone had been hurt or a car smashed, I decided to go down and check.

It took me a while before I could do this as I had to hunt up something decent to wear, and the lifts were slow. I walked down five flights before getting one. As I approached the parking lot, a small group had already gathered - guys from the surau I suppose. Thankfully, no one was hurt in the freak accident. Miraculously, the pane glided onto a kerb right between 2 cars and bounced before shattering, slightly grazing the bumper of one vehicle in the process. A motorcycle was parked there but the guy fled before I arrived.

According to the guys, it's not the first time such an incident happened. The windows on the block roll on shallow grooves, allowing them to dislodge easily. Furthermore, most units installed grilles on the inside, thus there was nothing to prevent panes from turning into deadly projectiles if it falls away. Eeps!

I offered to pay the girl who owns the car for repairs to the bumper, but now I feel it's a bit unfair for me to foot the bill for superficial graze from a freak accident caused by corner cutting developers... Maybe I can offer to pay half instead? Sigh. Still need to discuss the incident with the house owner... Geez. Such things never happened in my 30 year old house!

Tired but Happy

Am getting a tic in my left eyelid. Amazingly, it's a medical condition with it's own name - blepharospasm. Arwah my mom used to say that it means someone in the family is passing on. I Googled it and learnt that it's usually caused by extreme fatigue or stress. Well that explains it!

Am still getting used to the new bed, haven't been sleeping very soundly of late. Also sleeping really late putting things away. Mein Gott! My clothes 2 suitcases aje, my 'odds and ends' tak terkira banyaknya. Amazingly they are actually utilised quite regularly. Last night gave up on sorting my pile of miscellanous documents and just stuffed them into the filing cabinet. Out of sight, out of mind. Done! Will revisit them when I'm free.

Room and house is comfy now, only my fax machine je tertinggal lagi, and a set of nice pinggan mangkuk from the old house. I think I'll take the old "Happy England" set. Those were Mom's favourites.. Still need to go back to the old house to pack away my books and old lecture notes (yes, I'm a data hoarder). Still not ready to let go 5 years down the road.

Cats are going bonkers being enclosed in the limited space. The blackies would be happy to go back to the old house once Abang moves in. I think Leo would be OK anywhere as long as I'm around, but I worry he'll get fat with nothing to do all day except sleep and stare out the window. No one to fight with and nothing to hunt... he never liked to play very much. Maybe I should get a cat leash and take him for walks downstairs. The poor boy is looking so morose being cooped up at home all day. I do let him out to explore the corridor, but the little chickenheart always turn tail and head home the moment i stop following him. Don't want him to enter other people's houses either. Hmm... poor baby!

Work is... scary. We're working on 3 issues almost concurrently. And this year is our 50th anniversary, which means the Anniversary issue. Eeeps... NOT exciting for me. I want to go back to conservation, if they'll have me... What use is my Masters right? Spent a lot of money doing that, musn't let it go to waste.

Anyway, it's nice to have a kitchen I can clean in 10 minutes flat. It always takes ages to clean up the big house. Happy New Year, everyone!