Friday, August 18, 2006

Of Love, Trust and Respect

Love….
Supposed panacea for all ills.
Possible cause for conflict.
Said to be blind.
Has the power to hurt.
The better half of hate.
Etc, etc, etc, ad infinitum.

I’m usually a bystander. I watch things unfold. I learn by default. Well, I do get burnt sometimes, but not so badly. In any case, I have been watching this – love undone by lack of trust and respect.

It occurred to me, so much hurt could have been avoided had these two people could have maintained trust and respect in their relationship. I eventually came to this hypothesis that trust and respect may well be the most important thing in maintaining a healthy relationship, any relationship. It fits any test.

If you were stuck with an arranged marriage, or someone you barely knew, the only way the union could survive is if you both earned the trust and respect of the other. You can be as different as chalk and cheese, but with these 2 factors firmly in place, you could weather any storm. On the other hand, the most passionate love affair would be severely eroded by lack of these two essential elements.

Don’t we all trust and respect the people we love? – Our parents, our spouses, our friends, our colleagues…. Sadly, too many people demand respect. They believe it to be an external process which must be demonstrated no matter what. They fail to understand that respect must be earned; it doesn’t come free. People can strive to ‘show respect’, but ultimately it’s a hollow victory.

Relationships aren’t all sugar and spice, are they? Hope I’ll find trust and respect in my relationships too :-)

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