L'abscence

L'abscence est a l'amour ce qu'est au feu le vent; it eteint le petit, il allume le grand.

(Abscence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great. )

Escaping the "Dungeon"

Felt queasy this morning and it wasn't helped any by the stuffiness of the office. Rick & Tina had termed the space where we normally work as 'the dungeon' due to its stifling airlessness and lack of natural lighting.

Needed to find stuff online anyway. Since old man didn't like people surfing for long periods of time, decided to branch off into personal office - at home. Easier while he was away. He he he... Phone battery had also died and perversely, was not allowed to charge in the office. More reason to work from home :-)

Picked up Anis from school, then headed to the home office. Air is slightly stinky but at least there's plenty of oxygen circulating. Anyway I felt OK as long as I didn't move about too much, surfing is all right la.

Took care of some emailing, comments and phone calls before calling to check if boss was in. He was a bit gruff at first, but full reporting took care of it. He he. The old guy is all right actually, just a little old fashioned. Have you heard of SOHO's, Boss? You have one, I have one too!!

In any case, better get the things done now. If not I can't justify my timeline pulak... :-) Cheers, guys. Have a good week ahead!!

Honestly...

You're not required to be perfect, are you?

I mean, is it really your fault that the house is dirty when you're struggling to clean it all on your own? You're too tired to start arguing yet again, so Princess Lazybutt happily resumes all-important TV watching and storybook reading duties. I can't afford to hire maids all the time, and there is only so much I can do after work and in between other commitments...

You cook and culinary skills you thought were passable desert you. Some way to impress a guy, huh?

You sleep in on Sunday and the next day find a letter from a nasty neighbour hanging on the gate. Probably something about the cats. You tear it in half and throw it unread into the trash. What are the chances its a nice letter? Zero to none. If its important enough, she can tell it to my face. Honestly, I think she should just go get laid. Maybe that'll make her less crabby.

Sometimes I despair of ever being good enough for anyone. Yet those who can hardly boil water are snapped up in no time. If only I knew what I had to do...

Pathetic

It’s downright pathetic, what my life has been. Living on the crumbs of affection, no matter how trite. Begging for a few hours of companionship. Now even those few endearing words have evaporated, leaving nothing but shadows and forsaken dreams. I smile, even as I cry inside. I try to be strong; I wonder how long it will last. As time goes by, a hollowness consumes. A fortress guards nothing but ruins of a broken heart.

Time Well Spent

We’re all busy, too busy. It makes time spent with family all the more precious.

Last night decided to check in on the kids, heard Adik demam… Went to the pasar malam to buy some food and went over to Abang’s place. Got bakso for Mala & myself, kuetiaw & keropok lekor for Amy, and some tau fu fa for no one in particular. Was greeted by an excited Anis and a feverish Adik.

The girls immediately plunged into my bag for my make-up kit. Anis loves the stuff, especially the precious Estee Lauder kit I got from Surin. In no time Kakak has made herself up AND Adik… After that take my camera mintak ambikkan gambar… sabar ajelah.

Note their red lips and made up eyes? Had to confiscate the stuff before they make themselves up into Hantu Momok …

While I was eating, Adik main kamera, so I took it away. Merajuk dia!! Tak nak kawan Ucu!! Eheheh… As usual, Anis ajak pergi jalan2 – nak gi Kiosk. Adik pun kensel majuk nak ikut sama; tapi Ucu tunggu Adik nak nen nen dulu, kay? :D










Soon, got everyone in the car and strapped in. He he… they all know very well Ucu punya ground rules – nak gi jalan2 kena pakai seat belt. Snapped a shot, then Anis took my photo pulak. So clever!! Lost my way going to Kiosk and ended up in 7-11. Mula2 Anis insisted in Kiosk, but Ucu vetoed. I’m paying, what… Soon, each got their drink and junk food and we headed home.

Now THAT was a night well spent :-)

Life Goes On and On and On...

Time flies. There's no doubt about that. Especially when I'm writing, or reading. Or busy with work. When there's a deadline approaching, it goes on FFWD.

My "new" job is now in its 4th month already. Tekad Selangor was more than a year ago. The kids have already done their SPM and got the results. Mdm Corporate Tai-tai is married. My Tai Kor, Yuz & Noreen are engaged. List goes on and on.

Have stayed home most days lately. In any case, suddenly got a case of windu for all my friends. Maybe spent too much time talking to cats these past few weeks kot...

Have not met with the D3Kat girls for at least 2 months. Haven't seen P since God knows when. Haven't met Aizan, Bet, Tekadmons or the Teratak boys for ages. No bowling tourneys, no game nights... Goodness!! Where has everyone gone to??

It's one thing to stay home and reorganise my book collection. On the other hand, I feel like a stick in the mud!

Song of the day: Rescue Me (Bryan Adams)...

Contentment

Finally got to stay home without any major commitments to my time this weekend.

Work went well yesterday, then went for lunch with Loret and one Singaporean guy. Went to jalan2 at the pet shop, balik, check email and fell asleep. Malam - helped out Ben and Lil with a night walk in Kota Damansara. Came back at 10.40 and started attacking the bougains. Yup, midnight gardening, one way to avoid harmful UV rays :p. Heh heh... have other things to do tomorrow laa...

Sunday morning - fed the cats, munched on half a sandwich and started cycling. Wanted to try a new route, but just after the One-Utama junction, my right pedal broke and fell off! Shoot. I was looking forward to this... Gee, how flimsy can the pedal be? Yaie's ancient Raleigh pun tak pernah pecah pedal. Had no choice but to turn back, all the bike shops would be closed on a Sunday. Ah, well... plenty of other things to do at home.

Got back, bathed the yellow cat, sorted out washing, cooked, ate, cleaned kitchen, yada yada yada... Had time to read the paper and do the crossword puzzle (my Sunday 'must do' routine), read, play with the cats... Not to say I've got EVERYTHING sorted out, still waiting for inspiration to rearrange my study; but at least the major major things are done la.

Aaahhh... It's so good to be home. Too bad esok dah keja, but... at least I got today off. So how was YOUR weekend? :-)

Dear Azura,
Here is your single's love horoscope
for Wednesday, March 15:

Don't judge a book by its cover, especially when it comes to romance. Someone highly attractive may be as intriguing as a stump, while someone rather wonderful could arrive on the scene in a funny-looking package.


Hmm... must e on the lookout for funny-looking blokes tomorrow... :p

Test of Patience…

Sometimes, life throws a spanner in the works and watches in glee while you scramble to do damage control…

Scheming and plotting my outstation Home Audits, I decided on Kuantan because it was far – so I get to claim lots on travel. I don’t really have strong contacts there, but Jaya was there, and Noor. There were a few spares, just in case someone pulled out. Made a few phone calls to set up the job, and announced it to the project team.

Boss didn’t like the distance bit; he insisted I fly instead. So scratch birdwatching trip, would have to rely on public transport. AND, he wanted me to set up a talk to justify the cost. Oooookaaayyyy…

Called MS Garden, pulled a few strings, and voila - A talk is on. Changed dates a few times, and finally arrived on a date. Told boss, who efficiently got me a flight ticket. Called up contacts to tie up loose ends.

Oopss… can’t get JayaMary. Where IS that girl?? Finally got her on SMS and found that she was going back to Perak for the school holidays. GREAT. Called Izan. Parents will be in K.L. – cousin’s wedding. Ooops again – school holidays is equivalent to wedding season. GROAN!! Why can’t these guys get married some other time?? Sigh. Next backup. Asked P. Parents are in KayEll too. Right. Just my luck. Called Tai Kor. He’ll be in K.L. this week, not going back. Shoot. This is not good. Messaged Noor once I got in. She has CHICKEN POX and had to balik kampung!!! Aaaarrrghhhh!! NO NO NO!!!

So now I’m in Kuantan, in the morning, as I happily requested to boss, with no house to audit. Did I mention that I almost missed my flight? Went to Starbucks to make use of internet facility, put wireless on and… got red bands. What the…??? Asked and nice chap tells me that they’ll have broadband soon. Soon. Future tense. As in not yet. As in I paid a lot of money for a big mug of coffee and will not be getting what I came here for. Shoot. Would you like to jump into the river now or later, ma’am?

Am lucky Kuantan is such a soothing city. Sweet breezes cool you as you walk along the roads, though it seems a female walking along the road seems to be something of an anomaly here. Quote Mr. Taxi driver, “Megamall dekat je tu. Kami org lelaki boleh la nak jalan, perempuan naik teksi aje la.” Hrmmm… A bit chauvinistic, eh? If only they were more protective instead of patronizing. I mean, the only Malay guy (and he’s only half Malay) who takes the trouble to wait for me to safely enter the house before driving off is my Tai Kor. Geez. Have a heart, guys.

Back to the city itself, the place is nice, people are nice. I’ve seen hornbills here; just saw a silver-backed needletail. Sweet! I love the river cruise – had a family of otters follow the boat on the banks once, and seen white-bellied sea-eagles (Helang siput) swoop down to catch snakes out of the water. Yup. It’s a nice place all right.

Now, if I could just sweet talk someone from the hotel to let me audit their house, I’ll be safe – from the boss’ wrath of course! Lallalaa…

Tests

I suppose humans are the most difficult species to understand.

At times I feel cursed by loneliness. Yet I thank God that I am able to survive on my own. I am blessed with many friends, yet lament that I belong to none. I yearn that a friend be so much more, yet was not able to give more to one who did wish it of me.

If only life was so simple. If only I could be one who lives to please. If only I could put my feelings aside to get what I wished. Yet to be so would be to betray myself, there would be nothing but an empty victory. I can only choose to give and receive what I wish, even if the recipient seems undeserving.

I listen to hearts that were broken, I reach out to dry her tears. For men who have been so blessed have too often chosen to disregard his good fortune. Yet I still believe in the goodness of men.

We are all tested, in all our lives, in one way or another. We curse our misfortunes, yet we often forget our blessings until they have been taken away. We all have it, at one time or another - health, wealth, beauty, charm, riches, love...

Let us not forget what riches we have been blessed with. Should any be taken away, remember, all that we have has been at the will of a benevolent God, and he may take it back as a punishment or a test.

May our tests make us stronger, and may we be blessed for our patience... God bless us all.

Khao Yai National Park - Days 3 & 4

Am trying to finish the Thailand series before it all goes basi. Dah dekat sebulan dah!!

Been busy with work and the cats and the house. (At least now I've got my sofa back.) Feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle kadang, so many things i want to do sampai tak terlarat nak buat and tak tahu yg mana satu nak buat dulu... Am feeling weary having to deal with all the chores on my own, in between my commitments and outstation work. No fair.

So... dipendekkan cerita, pagi tu I pegi beli groceries kat 7-11, since we all dah makan most of Yumiko's food. Also needed more batteries for the camera. Tergezut jugak, harga telur sampai 51 Baht. Dah beli semua, balik rumah, masak scrambled eggs for breakfast. Since we all dah pack malam tu, pagi lepas breakfast kitorang pun pegi lah naik Skytrain to Mochit, nak naik bas ekspres dari the Northern Bus Terminal. Sampai2, tengok peta, map kata the terminal is across the nearby park. Sampai kat seberang, tak nampak lak terminal bas. Tanya la mamat2 yang dok tunggu kat tepi pagar tu. Tak tau la depa tu polis ke, hapa ke, tapi pakai uniform la. Yang penting, kitorang tak reti cakap Siam, depa tak reti cakap Melayu ataupun English. Dah tu, sebut "bas" pun diorang tak paham...

Belek2 peta, ada la satu tempat tu nama dia "Bang Sue". Nak sebut pun tak reti. Ingatkan tu la nama terminalnya. Dah tu naik teksi, last2 sampai satu stesen keretapi yang sangat kecik dan dengan brutalnya terpaksa melintas landasan untuk sampai ke stesen... saba ajelah... So kitorang pun pergi lah mencari insan2 yg reti cakap org putih. Jumpa la sorang mamat tu dalam the transport office. Dia suruh pegi Mochit 2, nama terminal dia. So, tahan la teksi lagi sekali, pergi sana.

Sampai sana, beli tiket, in 10 minutes dah naik bas. Efisien la pulak, diorang2 ni. After 2 1/2 hours, rasa2 dah sampai Pak Chong, tapi tengok keliling, semua signboard tulis Siam. Camna nak baca?? In the end, asked Sali to tanya. Confirm dah sampai Pak Chong, so turun la. Lak tu dah lunchtime, tengok keliling , takde tempat yang konfiden nak makan. Tanya kat org jual kerabu, dia bagi directions ke kedai org Islam. Alhamdulillah... dapat la makan nasi ayam hari tu, walaupun tak reti nak order, main tunjuk2 je.

Then pergi cari the local bus to go to the National Park. Made the mistake of showing the driver a brochure I printed for Greenleaf Travels - we got dropped off halway to the park! After talking to the guy in Greenleaf, we decided to take our chances with the park and caught another local bus there. Did I mention it was drizzling all this while? Sejuk, babe!!

Sampai kat gate, bayar entrance fee, then tunggu keta to tumpang naik ke visitor center. Distance is 15 km, and walking is unsafe, takut terlanggar keta pasal jalan belok2. No bus service, and hitchhiking is the norm... After a bit dapat la naik Ranger pickup - in the back, that is!! By the time sampai kat Visitor Center, my fingers were frozen, nak menulis pun susah. Ha ha..

We actually wanted to stay in a room, but since we had no transport, and they were 4 km away, we had to opt for the nearby dorm, which turned out to be rooms devoid of any furniture. By this time had made friends with a French guy who was travelling with us on the local bus, so it was the 3 of us in the 'rumah panjang' style dorms that night. Sali & me shared while he took one next door. I had my sleeping bag, but the others rented blankets from the caretaker. Oh how I wish I had taken a set too!! It was freezing cold that night and my worn sleeping bag was hardly adequate. When we got there at five, the temperature was 19 degrees C, next morning, when it had already warmed up, it was 12. I'm not sure what the T was in the middle of the night, but it was enough to make me put on all the clothes I had and wish I had more!

Makan was at the cafe near the visitor center. We made do with whatever looked halal, had some nice fish for dinner and some kuih for breakfast. The best part of Khao Yai is its wildlife. Wish I could have arranged to go spotlighting that night. FYI, this is driving around in a pickup with a spotlight to look for mammals, and the park has plenty of those. We did see some black-tailed deer and short-tailed macaques while walking, as well as elephant dung, but that was about it. Rugi, sieh... I did a bit of birdwatching outside the dorm in the morning, but could not really identify most of what I saw. We DID see a scarlet minivet, though. Or was it a long-tailed minivet? Whatever. As the Frenchie said - "Magnifique!!" We saw a couple of Oriental pied hornbills while having breakfast and Great hornbills while driving past, but not much else. Am tempted to come again for a proper outing. Yeah, right. If I can raise the cash!!


3 of us went trekking towards a waterfall after breakfast. It was tough, sometimes we lost the trail due to fallen trees blocking the way. But Sandy caught on the trick of following the "marc rouges" - red marks on the tree trunks or red ribbons for temporary trails. We went on and on without even coming close and had to turn back halfway because we needed to go back to BKK the same day. So we bid goodbye and headed back to the dorm. After a lunch of rice and Brahims, we hitched a ride from a pickup, got on the bus to Pak Chong and the express to Bangkok.

Since it was Valentine's day, the jam was BAD. It took us more than 3 hours to get back to Bangkok. The queue for a taxi was long, and the guy seemed disgusted we only wanted to go to Mochit station which was close by. Sorry, la, mana la kitorang tau...

By the time we got back to Yumiko's it was past eight pm. We wanted to belanja her, but she was still at work, and had apparently left her phone at home. Patut la message tak jawab...

She eventually came home, and we decided to go to Hard Rock for dinner. One reason was Risq wanted a T-shirt, though God knows why I bother since he has still come to pick it up from me until now. Am so going to charge him storage fees for this... Kalid joined us and we had a good time. As we were walking back, a guy called us to join his private party at his new shop or cafe. It was kind of bizarre! We walked back all the way to Y's, maybe 2 or 3 km away, with Kalid as escort. By the time we said our goodbyes and went back up it was after midnight...

We did some last minute packing and went to bed by 1.30 a.m. Got up at 4.00 to catch our flight home at 7.00. Touched down at KLIA by ten a.m. It was a real good holiday...

Berita Basi

Wow.. must be the longest ever I tak update blog. Nak kata busy tahap dewa tu, takleh la nak compare dgn most other Tekadmons, but work have kept me from exploring my zany thoughts lately.

Was in PD over the weekend, hujung minggu ni Kuantan, and later in the month, KT. My Khao Yai story is languishing in my half-baked stories folder. Hmm... Kay lah, peeps. Catcha all later. Have a good week ahead :-)