Hanging Tough

Lived all my life bumbling and bungling my way to adulthood. Even now I'm still struggling to find some kind of peace. One thing still evades me, though, and the quest for it can sometimes be fraught with pain. You do your research and brace yourself for bad news. And you know what? I survived. Fear paralyzes you more than truth. Even the painful truth. And the quest continues... Well, I wasn't not dubbed the iron lady for nothing, did I? :D

I've Never Been To Me

Artist: Charlene

Hey lady, you lady, cursing at your life
You're a discontented mother and a regimented wife
I've no doubt you dream about the things you'll never do
But, I wish someone had talked to me
Like I wanna talk to you.....

Oh, I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run
I took the hand of a preacher man and we made love in the sun
But I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me

Please lady, please lady, don't just walk away
'Cause I have this need to tell you why I'm all alone today
I can see so much of me still living in your eyes
Won't you share a part of a weary heart that has lived million lies....

Oh, I've been to Niece and the Isle of Greece while I've sipped champagne on a yacht
I've moved like harlot in Monte Carlo and showed 'em what I've got
I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that a woman ain't supposed to see
I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me

[spoken]
Hey, you know what paradise is?
It's a lie, a fantasy we create about people and places as we'd like them to be
But you know what truth is?
It's that little baby you're holding, it's that man you fought with this morning
The same one you're going to make love with tonight
That's truth, that's love......

Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete
But I took the sweet life, I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet
I've spent my life exploring the subtle whoring that costs too much to be free
Hey lady......
I've been to paradise, (I've been to paradise)
But I've never been to me

(I've been to Georgia and California, and anywhere I could run)
I've been to paradise, never been to me
(I've been to Neice and the isle of Greece while I've sipped champagne on a yacht)
I've been to paradise, never been to me
(I've been to cryin' for unborn children that might have made me complete)
I've been to paradise, never been to me
(I've been to Georgia and California, and anywhere I could run)
I've been to paradise, never been to me

Letting Go...

Broery Marantika & Dewi Yull

Jangan Ada Dusta

Ketika pertama kujumpa denganmu
Bukankah pernah kutanyakan padamu kasih
Takkan kecewakah kau pada diriku
Takkan menyesalkah kau hidup denganku
kasih

( 1 )
Memang kau bukan yang pertama bagiku
Pernah satu hati mengisi hidupku dulu
Dan kini semua kau katakan padaku
Jangan ada dusta di antara kita
kasih

( korus )
Semua terserah padamu aku begini adanya
Kuhormati keputusanmu, apapun yang akan
Kau katakan, sebelum terlanjur kita jauh
Melangkah, kau katakan saja

( ulang 1 & korus )

I wanted to send someone this song. I didn't get the chance. He disappeared. Does anyone ever really disappear? I don't think so. He probably just ditched me and switched to a new ID. Maybe it's better that way. I have no time for sweet talking con men. I have a life to live. Poor guy probably had nothing better to do...

Just in case he really died or something, I've put his files in a folder and stashed it away, just like he asked me to do. Like his last wish? Hah... Ye la tu... sometimes we need a ritual to help us let go, so why not, right? :-) I'm OK. I have things to look forward to.

Congratulations, Yuz & Nue!!

It's been a while since the D3Katians had a chance to meet up. Semalam we finally got together to attend Yuzaini & Nooreen's wedding in Shah Alam.

Had to go home after work since I not only left my phone at home, my wallet pun tertinggal jugak! Shoot. How to pay toll la like that? So had to rush home, change into my baju kurung (which I had actually brought to work) and rush over to Zura's. By the time I got there it was already 2.00 and we still had to wait for Anaz to escape her badminton game... Tengok2 ada goody bag pulak kat rumah Zura... Stuff she got us on her travels tapi tak sempat nak bagi. Thanks, sis! Love the gifts :-)

By the time we got there, bersanding dah selesai.. He he... managed to ambik gambar beramai2 dengan pengantin kat meja makan though. Ok la tu... Yuz encemmm & Nue lawa giler... He he he.. They make a lovely couple :-)

We had lunch with Naza, Marina, Ayaz, Poji & Puad. Lepas makan pakat ambik gamba lagi. He he, standard la, Tekadmons - giler bergamba... Lepas balik tuh we all pi minum plak. Then gi lepak kat rumah Zura. Kalau dah lama tak jumpa macam tu la. Next outing - buka puasa kot :-)

In any case, congratulations to Yuz & Nue. Semoga berbahagia & diberkati Allah selalu. Amin...

Of Love, Trust and Respect

Love….
Supposed panacea for all ills.
Possible cause for conflict.
Said to be blind.
Has the power to hurt.
The better half of hate.
Etc, etc, etc, ad infinitum.

I’m usually a bystander. I watch things unfold. I learn by default. Well, I do get burnt sometimes, but not so badly. In any case, I have been watching this – love undone by lack of trust and respect.

It occurred to me, so much hurt could have been avoided had these two people could have maintained trust and respect in their relationship. I eventually came to this hypothesis that trust and respect may well be the most important thing in maintaining a healthy relationship, any relationship. It fits any test.

If you were stuck with an arranged marriage, or someone you barely knew, the only way the union could survive is if you both earned the trust and respect of the other. You can be as different as chalk and cheese, but with these 2 factors firmly in place, you could weather any storm. On the other hand, the most passionate love affair would be severely eroded by lack of these two essential elements.

Don’t we all trust and respect the people we love? – Our parents, our spouses, our friends, our colleagues…. Sadly, too many people demand respect. They believe it to be an external process which must be demonstrated no matter what. They fail to understand that respect must be earned; it doesn’t come free. People can strive to ‘show respect’, but ultimately it’s a hollow victory.

Relationships aren’t all sugar and spice, are they? Hope I’ll find trust and respect in my relationships too :-)

I am a....

You are a New Age Girl!

You're bright, opinionated, and dedicated to changing the world. Even if it's one hybrid car at a time, you do you part to make things better. In fact, you may be so busy with your causes that you have little time for love. Take an extra yoga class or two, and you just might meet New Age Guy!

What Kind of Girl Are You?

Cranky Ol' Me...

Some dude just Skyped me and I practically blew his head off... Hrmm... poor guy. Sorry la, so not in the mood to be chatted up right now.

Darn, Yuz's wedding is on Saturday and I haven't bought the prezzie yet. I so need to go shopping... Jase, can you get the gift pweeeeaaasseee...? I really don't feel like going out these days... Feel so tired and I'll be home only this weekend. Next week kena balik Johor, then I'll be in Miri sampai 4th Sept. Gonna have me birthday in some far away place where no one knows me... Boo hoo hoo... Wish I had Pzie's contact :( At least ada gak kawan kat sana...

Sigh, someone had better come back PDQ. I'm getting crankier by the minute!!

Wal Asri...

Hrmm...

Had to waste time swallowing a novel whole. Went late to pick up something from Sali, stopping to get food on the way since she was too sick to go out. Poor thing has been sick for the last week or so... Came back and read some more. Slept a little. Woke up again to deal with project laptop...

Have been working on my own laptop while partner uses the Dell. Now that he's left,
I need to move my work there and get the thing organised. Also need to look for some missing files for Boss. Shoot.

Had taken it back to update the antivirus. Office is still on dialup, so any internet work is a major pain in the ass, even simple things like updating the website. The project lappie wa so overrun with viruses that I dare not move my work there until everything had been rectified. At one point, there were 3 AVs fighting for supremacy and jamming the system up.

There still are some programs I'm not familiar with. Need to sort things out before hooking up a network and moving my files... As it is, got quite concerned when Norton detected viruses after I cleaned up using Zone. But Norton can be a pain as well, so got rid of it. Put in Spyware Doctor which can also be a pain sometimes... Sigh. Still have to come up with project proposals nih... lallalaa...

Addiction...

Like morphine, some things can either be a blessing or a bane. A friend introduced me to Limewire a few weeks back. Have been busy, as usual, so not been downloading so much. But lately have been rather addicted to the thing. Sometimes the songs are not of the best quality, sometimes there are so many versions of the same song that you don't know which one is best, some songs you want are elusive, and Malay songs can be slow to download or just unavailable. Feeling kind of stretched now after a marathon session :-p

Spent Saturday afternoon with Abang & the kids. Then malam took care of the bills and lepak. Semalam technically free, but had difficulty deciding what to do. One part of me just wanted to vegetate and enjoy the break, the other was pushing me to take care of stuff... So somehow did a little bit of both :-) But still feel unrested after just 1 day of break. Shoot. Bila la nak 5 day week balik nih... Sigh...

Sometimes you forget...

Just a quick one. I'm dying for a little more sleep than yesterday :p
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Called Abang and asked him about where he was.

"Kat rumah la..."

And my glib answer was, "Rumah siapa?"

P would understand why this was funny. Abang didn't.

I forgot how sensitive he can be. And he's my brother... Go figure!

Just Grab It!

Kiasuness is a necessity. Check out the time, folks...

I'm staying up late because I had to distract myself before actually writing a proposal I promised a prospective employer... Still owe Graham a sample report. Eeps!

Now what did I do tonight?
Called Anaz
Chat dgn Suzi
Play games
Kemas my table
Layan kucing
Download lagu
Dengar lagu... You get the idea...

Have to grab whatever opportunity i can get these days... So no matter how late it is, a promise is a promise and you'd better deliver if you value yr reputation!

Facts of life:
- No one's gonna give me anything on a silver platter
- I have to work for what I want. Sugar daddy ain't gonna appear at this late date :-P
- I have to take the challenge even though the boss/ job scares you s***less
- Success is sweeter for having worked for it. Yeah, yeah... Show me the money!!

And They All Think I’m a Swinging Single…

Was bemoaning the cost of the vet to Anthony the other day, and he pointed out the obvious, “That’s why… Who told you to have children?”

Like it or not, pets ARE in a sense, our children. They’re part of the family, right? You take responsibility for their food, healthcare and happiness. You spend time to care for their well-being, and they can cost more than human kids… Thank God they don’t go to college! So Loretta, now you know why you don’t need kids – you already have enough running around the house.

Finally sent the 2 idiots to be fixed last week. Both of them are ‘in confinement’ right now after their respective surgeries. Am spending extra time taking their food up and coddling them in the sick-bay (Abang’s room). GGirl aka Chiquita was a darling in UPM, everyone loved her when she was there for spaying last week. Boboy aka Leo wailed his head off all the time at Dr Hasnul’s clinic – he hates being confined, and I guess he was scared too. So much for being the macho-man at home!! Insya-Allah he should be OK and roaming free by tonight. Chiquita will have to stay confined a bit longer, until the end of the week. As it is, I’m a little worried about her incision area which looks swollen inside. Will have to get her an E-collar today; maybe should feed her haruan too :-p Maybe will move Ggirl to my room so she won’t be too lonely all by herself…

Sheesh… sounds like motherhood, doesn’t it? And they all say I’m a swinging single…

Dear Azura,
Here is your horoscope
for Friday, August 4:

The stars are giving you the green light to treat yourself kindly. If someone gives you a hard time about this, remind them that you take care of others plenty, and that it's about time it was your turn, thank you very much.


Yay!

Lost?

Do you ever feel like you've been very 'busy' yet you're getting nowhere? Kinda feel that way right now. Not sad or angry or anything... just... a little lost, I guess.

For some reason there are 233 messages in your inbox, a good part of it discussions which you have lost track of, your daily copy of "le Monde" which you couldn't be buggered to read, jokes from kids which you know would require opening 10 attachments before you get to the lame stuff they forwarded... There's a meeting tomorrow which would require homework and it's already 1 a.m.

Brother wants a family gathering. Legal stuff need to be sorted out.

Miss D3katians pretty bad.

Need to plan for energy efficiency briefing.

Office website needs updating.

Room needs cleaning.

Laundry need washing.

Table needs sorting.

Bills need paying.

And here I am, blogging... Go figure!